Slipping back

Past couple of weeks ive been slipping back to a horrific place! I dont want to .... ive been trying so hard!.....but after seeing her today my heart just gave up and ive broke down in public twice already.

I'm so happy for her to be healing i am truly! But I can't shift the feeling of what if even though she found or will find someone new, she's too unbelievable to find someone great.

I thought , still think we're perfect together before we put up walls , become stagnant or tolerated each other instead of being with each other ! ***! I was doing really well finding the guy I once was and not who I used to be......I know its too late but I can't let her go yet! And its kiling me