Socially lost
I have a best friend, and a boyfriend. I love them very much. Sometimes, I also see their social circle, which is nice.
Yet, apart from them, I don't have a social circle. I only have them. In a way, it's enough. I'n really happy with them.
In another way, I like to connect with other people sometimes. I like to socialize sometimes.
But it doesn't last long. I have trouble getting past the first connection. I have trouble making friends, lasting friendships. I always have.
Also, sometimes I don't wanna connect with people. I just wanna stay in my comfort zone, with my boyfriend and best friend close by.
And when I'm by myself, I have trouble enjoying my own company.
But I also have trouble connecting with people. It's scary, stressful.
I don't know if I need a wider social circle to be fulfilled, or if I'm just an endlessly unsatisfied person.
I want to register to an improvisation group, to socialize and boost my self-confidence. But I know there will be times there's nothing I'd hate more than going out and see people, especially if I'm not in the mood to improvise.
Also, I am a student with a lot of studying to do and I already am in a sport group every monday, so I'm worried I won't have enough time to work AND enjoy time with my boyfriend.
But at the same time I worry I am emotionally dependent on him and I'm worried about closing myself into my relationship (however healthy it is, I don't know if it's good or bad or if it doesn't matter).
I also worry if I don't find the time for extracurricular activities my mental health will take a bigger toll than it already has.
But I still worry about having enough time to study, spend time with my boyfriend and rest.
I don't know what to do.
I'm lost.
P.S.: Sorry for the grammatical errors.
@OverthinkingSoulJamie
I know it is hard but when we limit ourselves to only a couple of people we can become too dependent on those people and frankly that is wearing on them as they may not feel they can be independent.
We do not have to find multiples of real close friends but we can strive to have a few what i call semi- friends .... maybe in school or work etc that most likely when you are not in same place you may or may not keep in touch.
Build on you as you ... not as a attachment to your BF or other friend ... imagine if you will what would happen if something happened and they were no longer in your life... it is hard i know but it gets easier the more you do it .... find people who share hobbies or interests and then work on semi friends instead of finding reasons they are not the fit for close friend material ... i have discovered many people who say they do not have friends are looking for only perfect fit people and that is making it harder.
Thank you very much for your message. I think it's what I needed to hear. Not the part about imagining them not being in my life anymore, 'cause quite frankly I've heard that enough from my mom.
But the part with the risk of wearing on my closest circle, and most importantly the part where you offer a solution, the semi-friend thing. That helped me.
I also feel less alone because I felt understood in my not having many friends. You dealt with part of the reason why I don't have many friends, which is "friendship perfectionism" if I may call it like that. I have a hard time with nuances and not seeing things black or white, and it applies to relationships. You saying you've heard that before, it's reassuring, I feel less alone.
I also talked with my boyfriend about my need to explore myself as an individual not to be dependent on my relationship with him, and my worry he might not be on the same page. Turns out he was on the same page, he understood completely and I was just worrying. He also reassured me we would still have time together, and wouldn't fade away from each other.
I will register to that "improv" group, or the "singing potential" one, will see.
Thank you!
I can relate to this so much, I have a girlfriend I love. But she can't be everything for me. And I have 2 friends I hang out with from time to time. But we aren't as close as I'd like. And sometimes I just lay in bed feeling lonely.
I want to try and make friends but I've been hurt so many times it's really scary to try again. I also really struggle to connect with other men. And socializing with other women while I'm in a relationship just doesn't feel right.
I really never had many friends. And never any close friends. Never a best friend. So I've spent a lot of time alone. So I can really relate. And I'm sorry it's been hard to make friends. I never wish loneliness on anyone. It sucks.