Some advice

Hey, I really need to explain everything properly because things have become very heavy for me and I don’t want you to hear bits and pieces without understanding the full situation.

I’ve been in a relationship with someone who genuinely makes me feel calm, safe, and understood. She is 4 years older than me, divorced, and has children. As a person, she has been nothing but mature, loyal, and loving toward me. She has even rejected other men because she wanted to be serious about us. What I feel with her is not drama or infatuation — it feels stable and peaceful, like real adult love.

The problem is not the relationship itself, but my family’s reaction to it.

Some time ago, my mom found out and strongly opposed the relationship. The situation became extremely emotional. I felt pressured and emotionally manipulated into ending things because my mom was crying constantly, saying I was destroying the family and that she lived only for me. I love my parents deeply, so seeing her like that broke me, and I ended the relationship even though it hurt both of us badly.

During that time, I prayed a lot and asked God that if this relationship was truly meant for me, He should bring her back into my life. Eventually, we reconnected, and things became serious again. But when my family discovered that I was still in contact with her, everything exploded again.

My parents now believe I betrayed their trust. My mom has said extremely harsh things — that I ruined their mental peace, that the family is broken forever, that I am responsible for whatever happens to them emotionally from now on, and even told me to consider my girlfriend “dead.” She has also insulted my friends for not stopping me and believes anyone supporting me is a bad influence.

What makes this harder is that I genuinely love my parents. They sacrificed a lot for me growing up, and I know my mom emotionally depended on me a lot. I was basically her emotional support for years, and now she feels abandoned. Seeing them sad makes me feel intense guilt, like I have destroyed their happiness, even though I never wanted to hurt them.

At the same time, I’ve realized something important: even if this relationship didn’t exist, I’ve started struggling with my mom’s controlling behavior and expectations. It feels like she believes I owe my entire life and future decisions to her sacrifices. I feel torn between being a good son and being an adult who builds his own life.

Right now I feel stuck between two people I care about deeply — my parents and my girlfriend — and whichever direction I move, someone gets hurt. I’m trying to handle things calmly and respectfully, but emotionally I’m exhausted, scared, and confused about what the right path is.

I’m not asking anyone to take sides. I just needed someone to understand the full picture because I’ve been carrying this mostly alone. Honestly, I just need understanding, perspective, and maybe some emotional support while I figure things out.