Someone who has the time to offer thoughts as I work through my 'things' while choosing to stay in this relationship
I am looking for some objective, human perspective on a relationship crossroads. I tried using an AI to help me map out the logic of my situation, and I would love to get real opinions on the conflict.
**The Situation:**
My partner recently stated that he feels stressed managing his privacy (like passwords and videos) because he worries it causes tension between us. He mentioned he cannot be in a relationship where there is a lack of trust, and left it up to me to decide whether to continue the relationship and join him on his next venture.
**The Dilemma:**
I find myself conflicted between two paths:
1. Staying in this partnership to focus on building long-term financial stability and a shared future, despite the current friction.
2. Leaving the relationship to seek a connection built on foundational trust, even if it means entering the unknown.
Initially, we discussed whether this was entirely due to my own background, as my previous long-term relationships involved dishonesty and made me hyper-vigilant.
However, there is a second factor: My current partner has an established history of dishonesty, which has been confirmed by his own family and past behavior. While he promises he has changed, it makes it difficult to distinguish between my past experiences and the current reality.
I want to make a logical decision moving forward. How should I approach evaluating a relationship where a partner asks for total trust, but has a documented history of being unreliable? I would appreciate any practical reasoning or perspectives on this.
Oof no wonder you're confused, I would be too. No matter what you decide I doubt you'll be 100% certain it's the right choice.
Trust has to be a two way thing and naturally. If he wants 100% transparency, he has to show you he's trustworthy also.
Logic and heart seem to be on opposite sides sometimes.
I guess if I were in your shoes.. I'd ask myself when was the last time he was dishonest? Is it recently, was it a significant lie? Or am I just holding on to past instances and not the present?
Only you can decide who to invest your time and future with, maybe don't rush and take your time to weigh out all the pros and cons :)
@goldenBranch8894 I think your heart wants to stay, and your brain wants to leave. Everyone has a past, even through the worst or the best past, but in short, this is a past. You can't build the long term with him by looking at his past. I don't have any perspective in your shoes. Please choose what makes you feel great
I appreciate your message but he has already been dishonest to me and I have seen things that I don't like and told him directly trying to have open transparency... But it has happened a few times now and every time he wants to blame it on that we aren't official or that we were taking a break. But if I took a break and went in and was sexual with someone or popped on a dating app for a few days and went on a few dates. It wouldn't be received as the same.
He's done these things, I have not done any of those things. I have had to find these things out by looking at his phone and him reaching out to random women and or his ex.
The last time we had a big discussion about it he promised it was the last time but at that now he won't let me see his phone at all.
I'll never know the truth. He will not be in a relationship and allow that person in his phone.
I appreciate your message but he has already been dishonest to me and I have seen things that I don't like and told him directly trying to have open transparency... But it has happened a few times now and every time he wants to blame it on that we aren't official or that we were taking a break. But if I took a break and went in and was sexual with someone or popped on a dating app for a few days and went on a few dates. It wouldn't be received as the same.
He's done these things, I have not done any of those things. I have had to find these things out by looking at his phone and him reaching out to random women and or his ex.
The last time we had a big discussion about it he promised it was the last time but at that now he won't let me see his phone at all.
I'll never know the truth. He will not be in a relationship and allow that person in his phone.
@goldenBranch8894
Relationships are tough and cracks in trust is something we can work past.
Trust is earned not just given period. We cannot or should not give total trust to those who have not shown they have not earned it with their actions. I think stating it is hard to keep up with passwords or such would make me wonder what they have to hide.
I also feel trust is fragile and if you move on to find another relationship and trust issues pop up with a new person.......... there is a point where we cannot just keep moving to next one looking for complete trust. trust can be rebuilt when cracks appear. we just have to evaluate the relationships as a whole.
sorry you are not getting a one size clear answer but most of the time we know deep in us the answer we are seeking.
I appreciate your messages but he has already been dishonest to me and I have seen things that I don't like and told him directly trying to have open transparency... But it has happened a few times now and every time he wants to blame it on that we aren't official or that we were taking a break. But if I took a break and went in and was sexual with someone or popped on a dating app for a few days and went on a few dates. It wouldn't be received as the same.
He's done these things, I have not done any of those things. I have had to find these things out by looking at his phone and him reaching out to random women and or his ex.
The last time we had a big discussion about it he promised it was the last time but at that now he won't let me see his phone at all.
I'll never know the truth. He will not be in a relationship and allow that person in his phone.
