Staying in a long relationship without love
I've been with my ex boyfriend for 6.5 years (since I was 17). At the beginning he was always the one chasing me and I decided to give him a chance. I liked him and we built a strong bond. I know I loved him, but that feeling grew up with time and never developed in true willing of commitment. I think I've never been madly in love with him, but he made me feel safe and loved.
There were some incompatibilities that I ignored for a long time (he was very romantic, while I wasn't. He always wanted physical touch, also in public. He was more settled, while I wanted to explore the world), and even if he was the most loving and caring person I ever met, I couldn't feel the same for him.
So I broke up 3 months ago and I feel guilty because it took me too much time.
Now I'm trying to go on and to be kind to myself. I keep ruminating about what I did in the past years and I know it's just a way that my brain has to try to find a reason, even though there's more than one and it's hard to say if something is black or white. It's hard, but I'll learn from my mistakes. I'm trying to notice when I'm overthinking and stop it. I feel like I'm getting better, even though sometimes I become very sad and anxious.
Is there anyone who had the same experience as me?
@friendlySky959
Many people have been in your situation. they find someone compatible and safe and easy. We can convince ourselves that maybe platonic love is enough. We may dismiss the small things like wanting different things etc. I can get how guilty or confused you may feel about breaking up but sooner or later we can no longer settle or pretend that that type of relationship is enough.
Yess, omg. My first relationship was also a highschool sweetheart type of thing. There's definitely a lot of guilt and questions. that's completely normal and okay. It's good that you're trying to be kind to yourself. You don't have to constantly overthink if you did the right thing or how sooner you should've made the changes. I also did the first few months after the breakup but I just learned to come in terms of it and look at it in a different angle. I was young and in love, and it was beautiful became it was genuine. It wasn't a waste and I certainly did not waste time because I was experiencing a lot of firsts in the relationship plus all the mistakes and problems that came with it gave me lessons. The breakup was also bad since he cheated and did a lot back then but as I came in terms of it, I started to shift all the guilt and questions into gratitude. I'm glad because that relationship taught me a lot about what I want for myself and for my future relationship. It also shed some lights on issues I have to work on to be better overall!
