Stuck
Hey, I feel stuck. I have to babies (17 months & 4 months old) with my boyfriend/fiance. We have been together almost 3 years. I love him with all of my heart but we've been fighting a lot since I "broke his trust" by impulsively going through his phone after asking him a few times if he's hiding something because I had a feeling. He would get super defensive immediately after me asking gently and kindly, and he's start to call me bad names. Come I find out he was hiding something. No discussion about him keeping this secret, only him yelling at me screaming to me that I betrayed his trust and he cannot trust me anymore. After loads of fighting and me apologizing for my behavior we decided it's best if me and the babies move out because he can't stand me and my love means nothing to him. As soon as I make plans and pack mine and the babies things and am about to leave he starts yelling and saying how could I just leave and give up basically. He kept saying that he doesn't want me to leave after calling me names and belittling me again. I stayed because I love him and we want to make it work. Now when any little things happens he immediately says "I don't even care if you're here or not" and "your love means nothing to me" and I decide to leave again and then he accuses me of this being easy for me to go and I never cared so again, I stay. I am drained to say the least and I'm just wondering what I can even do at this point because I do love him but he is so quick to seem to want me gone now. Please leave your opinions or comments, it would help a lot to hear an outside view.
@raspberryMaple2785
Hi. At the very first glance:
I believe that is never good to check your partner's phone (or your partner checking yours). For me it's a basic violation of privacy and it might be a sign that something with trust in your relationship doesn't work very well.
I know that the time when children are very small is challenging for many couples.
The behaviour of your partner ("I hate you, don't leave me" or "I love you, go away") dangerously reminds me borderline patterns.
@raspberryMaple2785
I understand it seems to be a thing some do checking on their partner if they suspect anything...
it is more about if people have no issue like sharing a password / code etc.
I feel his over reaction was not about the looking at phone but being caught in whatever he did.
He knows you love him ........that is why he thinks he can play this get out/ how could you leave me mind game.......
If you have options explore them it is one thing when kids are small but when they get older they will see and learn dysfunctional relationship between both of you.
Define what you want ... remember love is not always enough.... especially if his love for you is not as strong. set boundaries and let him know you will leave and will NOT play the get out/ please stay game.
what ever he did that caused this rift needs to be addressed and your communication and honesty should be ironed out before kids get older and make the leaving much messier.
