Stuck.
I’ve been married for 15 years. Looking back, I feel like this marriage was never real—I was a single mom and he wanted to “save me” and I was desperate to be saved. Now we are roommates with zero intimacy and I feel as though I’ve wasted my youth/life by being in this relationship. I no longer find him attractive. We never do anything together or go anywhere. Can’t remember the last time I had fun or laughed with him. Maybe year 1? We live totally separate lives. He refuses to go to counseling and shuts down if I try to talk to him about our issues.
But financially I’m completely stuck. We moved to a farm 5 years ago, which adjoins property that his friends own. If I leave, I can’t afford housing on my own and I’ll lose my farm, my horses, my animals, and the beautiful property I’ve come to love. I’ll also blow up my teenage daughter’s life if as she is happy living on the farm, and only has two years of high school left. It feels selfish for me to do that to her.
And I also worry that if I leave, I’ll be alone for the rest of my life. But that might be my middle-aged self loathing talking.
I just don’t want to feel like a shell anymore.
@philosophicalHemlock6643
🥺
💕💜
I can see there are no easy decisions here.
I'm sorry you don't feel loved anymore.
You deserve love.
Intimacy
Affection.
Fun.
Communication.
Him making some effort to enable the three of you to move forward, happily and peacefully.
Genuinely wishing you the best 💜💕
Thank you ❤️
I can kinda relate, my wife is detached from me. Shes talking to and "in love" with som guy online thousands of miles away from us. Im no saint in this. I got so worried about a whole bunch of other stuff in our kives that i failed to recognize she was needing me in other ways than just bringing in the dough and working endless hours to barely make it...she recently told me that she doesnt love me. Im in a place where now that i have finally truly realized what has been happening over the last 10 years and where i was lacking...i wanna fix it...but its almost as if there is nothing there anymore to fix. I still teller that "i still love her" every day, i tell her that i miss her every day...multiple times even...shr just looks at me now...no reply...except for a "yes" "mmhmm" or some variation of that if im lucky...our intimacy went down the drain as well, the only events we do are goto the grocery store together...no fun, no nothing..it sucks...im becoming a shell of who i was for sure, so you are definitely not alone friend.
I can kinda relate, my wife is detached from me. Shes talking to and "in love" with som guy online thousands of miles away from us. Im no saint in this. I got so worried about a whole bunch of other stuff in our kives that i failed to recognize she was needing me in other ways than just bringing in the dough and working endless hours to barely make it...she recently told me that she doesnt love me. Im in a place where now that i have finally truly realized what has been happening over the last 10 years and where i was lacking...i wanna fix it...but its almost as if there is nothing there anymore to fix. I still teller that "i still love her" every day, i tell her that i miss her every day...multiple times even...shr just looks at me now...no reply...except for a "yes" "mmhmm" or some variation of that if im lucky...our intimacy went down the drain as well, the only events we do are goto the grocery store together...no fun, no nothing..it sucks...im becoming a shell of who i was for sure, so you are definitely not alone friend.
@Ryan575
Does she know you’re aware of the online affair? Do you really still love her? What does she say when you tell her that you want to fix your mistakes?
It’s so hard to know when to let go. For me, I know this isn’t “living”…. Isn’t “normal”…… but here I am 🤷♀️
