Subtle Torment

Its funny how the small things, often routine things such as trips to the bathroom, lengths of time in the bathroom, wearing earbuds, watching someone sending text messages, smiling slightly while looking at a phone, going for a walk in the park, and other little things like that never really caused any kind of emotional change in a person...until now. Though im sincerely trying to do my best to be in a good place for my son, myself, my "wife", and my family as a whole. These little things cause such inner turmoil within me...its not a huge ammount of pain anymore but more so. A constant ache, that itch you cant scratch, the lingering pain after you hit your leg on the table and it leaves a bruise that you feel for days afterwards. Its a subtle torment that is everlasting, everytime she looks at her phone im reminded of it...it doesnt feel like paranoia or anything like that, because im not actally worried about what shes doing. I just know that though she isnt all the time on the phone with him, receiving voice memos through her earbuds from him...i know the potential is there that it may be happening...i try not to care at this point but i cant help it on some levels simply because i do love her even though she at this time is my "wife" an evolved version of the actual Wife i once had. I miss her, and i tell her every day. I love her, and i remind her every day. I just wonder, if this subtle torment will continue to remain as long as our relationship continues or will it relent at some point and i just become a shell of the man i used to be...numb...emotionless...i guess we will see.