Very worried about our age difference and what that means for children?
Well I'm 29 male. I've been dating a 36 female for the last 3 months. Exclusive for 4 weeks of that.
I've come to really care for her. She's a lovely person. She honestly treats me so well. She's sexy, kind, caring. I melt a little bit when I've come back from the pub and she's gone and bought me some food and a hydration drink and meets me at the station to check i'm ok. I'm honestly falling for with her.
But. I feel extreme anxiety over her age. I want kids. She has said she'll have kids with the right person. And I know it's only been 3 months but how much time do we actually have for that? As she's 36.
I don't own my own home yet. I have a decent paying job but I'm not that senior. She makes great money so it's easier that way but... that feels a bit funny to me.
she turns 37 in december. She hasn't frozen her eggs. So we have what... 2 years max to really get this going? at which point im... 31. I thought I might live abroad next year. Or change job. I don't even know where I want to live long term.
She's been through other long term relationships. She was living with an ex for 4 years back in the US and has a dog with him. I've not had anything that's gone longer than a year and a half. never lived on my own. Never lived with a partner.
I've spoken to her about this and she said 3 months is way too soon to be properly discussing this. She said she doesn't even know what kind of house I'd want yet. or if we would fit long term as a couple. But everything is pointing to we would right now.
I just feel very very anxious about the future. Her becoming more intwined in my life.
@willingOcean5465
I'm glad you found someone who makes you feel like this.
That's great 🥰
I know it's not easy, but enjoy the moment and what you have, it is too early but the future has a habit of writing itself.
I would give it a year and if you are still together and in love, have an honest discussion then and make plans.
For now enjoy the fun 💕💜
@Amanda84
I guess I just don't see a way this will end before a year. We don't argue. We respect eachother. she is still trying to settle in to my country (she moved 6 months ago). That doesn't change the bio clock issues though
@willingOcean5465
I understand your feelings when something is a limited time the want to discuss is there. She has told you it is too early to think about.
Maybe you need to review if your feelings are strong enough to wait and may end up without having children.
@toughTiger6481
Not having children isn't really an option for me here. If that happens I'd need to leave
She may be right that it’s “too early” to be discussing these things now (for her… some people would be happy to have that conversation at the same point);
but everything you say is true, and the time is limited. You’re thinking of the kind of future you can make with someone and realize for yourself that there are things you want to work on putting in place before you have children. That’s responsible and in the end, that’s far more caring than it would be to just go forward blindly and then find yourself in a future together that you both regret.
The way I read your message, it sounds like you’re actually clear about this for yourself, but are concerned about how you’d be perceived socially for breaking it off with someone now because of the issue of children? If that’s the case, I’d say just confide in close friends who really know you and let that be enough.
I’d also say it’s not the case that you’re saying, “let’s start trying to have a baby .” You’re just examining what could be possible in your relationship, and if she’s not willing to engage in that, it’s possible that’s a red flag (not for ANYONE, but for YOU and the kind of relationship you want to build. )
