Was I wrong?
Was I wrong with how I worded this?
“You can’t control every single thing that I do. I can’t bend and twist every single little thing for you. I’m sorry about what has happened to you in the past and I’m sorry how that has impacted you, but I’m doing what I can.”
I don’t think my bf realizes how overbearing his emotions and mental health can get. I’m not saying that to discredit any progress or anything he has truly done positively for himself, but he continues to push and press me on things that I was confident in. He has what we call a trigger towards me hanging up on in early in the morning, for me, and the middle of the night, for him. We have a 3 hr time difference. I texted him to let him know that I was leaving early tomorrow morning, and he just decided that we wouldn’t call tonight at all. He decided that because he didn’t want to be triggered. Instead, he called someone else. It’s not meant to sound like he’s going to someone else, but how am I supposed to feel yk? This is a reoccurring thing and it doesn’t seem to change. It often feels like if things don’t go his way, then he has to fix it or just remove me from the situation. I’m trying to be okay with it, because I don’t want him to be triggered, but how am I supposed to be okay with being alone for the night?
@jerie
Hey, I just want to start by saying I really hear you, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. What you wrote honestly sounds very thoughtful and kind. You weren’t harsh—you were just expressing how overwhelmed and stretched you feel, while still acknowledging what he’s been through. That’s not easy, and I think you handled it with grace.
It also sounds like you're carrying a lot—trying to support someone who's struggling while also trying to keep your own needs from getting buried. That’s such a tough balance. You're not wrong for needing space, for needing to be seen, or for feeling hurt when you're shut out emotionally, especially when connection matters so much to you.
I understand that he might be trying to protect himself from being triggered, but it also sounds like it leaves you feeling alone—like your emotions are getting sidelined. And that’s not fair or sustainable in the long run.
You're allowed to feel confused and hurt when he pulls away or chooses to call someone else instead of working through it with you. That feeling of being “removed from the situation” hits deep, especially when it happens more than once. You're not overreacting, you're not being dramatic—you're just a human being trying to hold space for someone else and for yourself. And honestly, that’s something to be proud of.
Please remember: your needs matter just as much as his. Wanting a relationship where both people feel safe, heard, and valued—that’s not too much to ask. That’s the bare minimum we all deserve.
You're doing your best. Don’t forget to take care of your heart too, okay?
@jerie
Your statement was not wrong but was spot on....
His actions to try to undermine your confidence to talk to someone else was to "punish" you.
Do not let his petty moves bother you. It was intended to do just what it did, to have you question yourself. This show he does KNOW what his behavior or issues are but some pretend they do not see it and say they " are working on it" . There comes a time to quit questioning or second guessing yourself and see the pattern of his actions.
