When will it stop feeling like I’m in the wrong life?
My partner of 10 years left me (suddenly) almost 2 years ago, before that, we had been best friends since we were 13 years old. Now I’m 33 and It still feels surreal every single day. I’ve gotten to a better place, I’m in school again, I’m slowly making friends and forming connections, I’m doing much better in pretty much every observable way, but inside I feel completely empty and detached.
I feel like I’m in the wrong life, like I’m still supposed to be with him. I have to fight myself to not want to check his social media every single day, I have dreams where I’m still trying to make things work, in some cases begging for him to love me again. Every time I try to do something I just feel like he’s supposed to be there. Has anyone else experienced this? Will it ever go away? I miss him so much it makes me sick.
@LonelyTree1455
You will stop feeling that way when you accept that things did not work out....... start living the life you have......... not the one you thought you were going to have.... If he felt the same he would have come back ... i doubt he is putting his life on hold in the meantime.
many times life throws us a curve ball and when we keep trying to live a life we thought we would we miss valuable time in building the life we have now....
Work on you and doing the best you can with what is available and if he was meant to be things will work out.
Thank you for your reply.
I suppose you’re right but I can’t, sort of, connect with anything I’m doing.
Like I said I’m doing by most measurable metrics better than I have in years but I feel like a passenger as opposed to an active participant. I don’t know how to shake the feeling that I am supposed to be in that other life, I know he’ll probably never come back and I’ll never see him again and I think that more than anything else is what keeps me “stuck”. The lack of closure, the lack of answers, the fact that his reasoning for leaving was simply that he felt he had to find himself and more or less, just didn’t like me anymore. He was also my first and only partner, my first kiss, my first everything. So in a lot of ways it feels like my life has ended.
I don’t know how to get out of that mindset.
@LonelyTree1455
Closure IMO is an illusion ..... most people leave do not get any and especially the closure they Want.... there will always be another question or explanation needed. the i need to find myself or variations tend to be a nice way to let someone down... we are always changing and sometimes a relationship runs its course.
Are you holding on due to this it your first love? i mean that is what books and movies tell us that is what we should strive for ........we will find a specific one and some want to hold on to the "one " and happy ever after.
People change at different rates and times that is never covered in books what happens when you are not on the same page anymore....
some have tried the staying the same hold back self growth to hold on to a time in our lives. I think that is when we feel like a ghost in our own lives.
@LonelyTree1455 This feels so relatable. *hugs
@LonelyTree1455
I feel the same way. It’s so lonely when you lose your best friend and your partner at the same time. And losing the life you built together. Starting over can feel liberating especially if the relationship was no longer good for you but it’s so hard! It feels like it will be this painful forever like the agony will never stop.
I heard someone say that in order to get over that person you have to see them as a human being, pay attention to their flaws, to how bad they made you feel. And try not to fantasize about the person you wanted them to be. This has helped me through short term relationships (most of the time), but long term relationships are different and can take some time to readjust and heal.
