Why dont I get it?
Even though I love her and genuinely care for her deeply I seem to always do and say stupid things to hurt her. Why is it this way?
I don’t intentionally do anything to do this to her but sometimes I can be extra sensitive and she’ll same something that upsets me and when I try to communicate to her how I feel she says gets upset at me saying I am pointing fingers and blaming her and that I see her as an evil bad person. Yes I tend to raise my voice when I feel like I’m not being heard but it’s out of frustration not because I’m directly angry at her.
I need help.
I have ADHD, depression and anxiety and am on meds. What do I do to stop this cycle?
@1in8billion
Have you considered it is not you? you BOTH need better communication skills.
in relationship when one person does things that upsets the other and when called out on it they Deflect ... say it is you and your fault etc.
Of course when we are not heard or listened to it is easy to raise our voice and be frustrated. so reading what you wrote make me think she is using the deflect and accuse you of what she is doing.... this is a circular thing that will not change unless you both can really communicate ...LISTEN and understand the other persons point of view. this is work for BOTH of you
@1in8billion why not tell her this ? So she can see your intentions are good and you are trying to think on behaviors and communication methods that could work well for both of you. Maybe she will pitch in and share her side of the story with you which will help you develop better understanding of each other followed by mutual adjustments needed to sustain and nurture your bond.
I’ve already tried this approach. She knows I always mean well. She had these ideals of how communication should be and you can probably guess that she has a hard time seeing it from my standpoint.