Will she ever?
Through the struggles that my wife and I have been having basically revolving around two core core issues. Her ongoing online affair, and my negligence in recognizing the needs she has had for a long time that were left unaddressed. Many reasons behind both sides of our struggle of course and creating a major divide between both of us. Though my feelings towards my wife and our relationship have never changed at all. In her case, they have. Through this, she has explained that she has love for me in ways but has no real emotional connection with me, nor is she "in love" with me. Though she is recognizing my efforts to prove to her that all of those needs left un fulfilled can be fulfilled through me, and things are slowly improving between her and myself. There are still questions in my mind. The main one is, can she, will she, is it even possible for her to truly "love" me again? Will she beable to reignite the passion that once existed between us? And if this is possible, will it even be real? Can a person truly "fall back in love" with another person over time? If so, how long will it last before we end up facing similar situations, due to the maturity and age of our marriage? The newness, exotic, nuance of our marriage has long worn off. Can we get back to a place that all of that exists on some level again?
@Ryan575
hello again,
I think it is possible for you to forge a new path... it will not be the same ....but it can be as good or better. it depends on efforts on both parties. Not IMO about new or fresh but a solid connection and that goes both ways. You may have missed her needs but did she speak up clearly before... change is not overnight and it is easy to fall into long term patterns.
As you know i am looking from a different direction and my spouse is trying ....but just today showed same old attitude so i do not have faith in him to change but in small bursts like fireworks works for seconds then nothing. I wonder if he would be serious if he knew about my "friend".
I think he suspects but has not said anything. I have not confessed not because of him but to keep my friends privacy... that says a lot about how i no longer feel much for spouse. i know it is on both i did not tell him until recently that his "someday" bs he could shove up his ..a... because i was no longer waiting.
I have hopes you can weather this storm. I am not sure how love for you but not in love works as I have neither anymore. I am assuming even a spark of love for you can ignite again to in love with you.
if she is softening to making something work she must have started the process in seeing the online fantasy would not survive in the light of day. i am aware this online will go no where and recently cut chats to smaller items. Like an injury there may be scars and reminders taht will hurt when bumped etc.
Be realistic ... do not try to change all overnight as that seldom lasts ....
build up get to know each other again. learn to let go of past hurts discuss them openly and honestly and move past. honesty is key.... do not put things off until one day that option killed my relationship.
As weird as it may sound, i am starting to think that our preliminary attempt to open our marriage up (in a way) previously before the most recent attempt (to completely open the marriage) (that has been walked back somewhat and returned to a closer version of the previous dynamics) is strangely helping us to navigate these current issues and be more open to changing the foundation of our marriage into a more fluid ever-changing, complicated, but tempered foundational relationship between her and myself. Of course, i know this process will take time, and i do not expect a total change overnight...i think that would be too easy...nothing would be learned on either side of this and it would just destroy what we have left even worse. The past is not something i personally worry about, it cannot be changed. Trying to be honest with eachother is definitely at the top of my list of goals. I think she has realized that the online thing has a expiration date, as she has explained to me that she can now see it "fizzleing out" and that she "can feel herself pulling away fom him"...i dont know if thats just hopium or if it will actually happen at this point but id like to keep going, trying and working with her to make tbings right again. Whatever that might look like in the future, i hope she can love me again.
@Ryan575
i think many of these online things are limerence and do fizzle out like you said ... i find it a bit ironic it fizzles as you were close to leaving. it may take time to fizzle but i am happy that seems to be the direction it is headed.
I stand by my feeling some Online things have no plans to make it "real" .
Im sorry that you're husbands attitude has reverted back. Mine has also quite a few times through this. I know that this has not been an easy thing for either of you, because i know its been a real struggle for both my wife and I as well. The emotions are complex and confusing for sure. I just hope that one day your husband can finally see you, and that you may be able to finally see him again as well. He needs to listen to you, as you need to listen to him. Both of you have valid points to make and valid concerns to express with one another. Its hard, i know. We have a lot in common with our marriages you and I. I hope that together, we can help eachother fix our marriages. Im not fully informed about the things you have been going through or how long, but i can tell you. Our different perspectives can open our eyes to things we might not be able to see or recognize from our own perspectives. Im hopeful that you and your husband can fix what you have left and build off of it for a brighter future for both of you. But as you said, honesty is key...but it has to be in 3 directions, your hoesty with him, his honesty with you, and both of you being honest with yourselves.