arguments caused by self-doubt
i’m having a lot of difficulties navigating my relationship because my emotions and insecurities are getting in the way. i’ve tried opening up to my partner about difficulties i’m having, but i always feel like they come across the wrong way.
some of the time i will be annoyed at my partner due to not feeling as though my requests are being respected (e.g. it took them 3 months to stop tickling me after asking repeatedly for them to stop doing it because it hurt and i don’t like it, i know it may seem small but it’s one example). i don’t want them to feel like i’m constantly annoyed at them, because it’s mainly due to my overthinking, but when they do end up doing something, i feel like it upsets me more than what’s normal, and then it ends up causing an argument because i struggle to tell them straight away out of fear of them thinking i have a huge issue with them.
as well as this, i want them to just understand that i’m upset about it without them becoming defensive about something they’ve done when it is them i’m upset at, but they just result it trying to defend themselves before supporting me.
i also have a lot of grief i’m experiencing at the moment, alongside a lot of stress from university and friendship struggles, and i know this is effecting me. i have opened up to my partner about this, as well as negative feelings that have stemmed from previous relationships, like insecurities about my appearance and personality, and a fear of rejection or not being good enough.
it always ends up in an argument and me crying which neither of us want. i think it’s mainly because they should be the person i can go to when i need to speak to someone, and i want to feel like i can speak to them about everything, but sometimes i don’t feel like that, and i feel a bit of a burden.
i know how much my partner loves me, and they do a lot to make sure i know this. but i can’t help my negative thoughts, anxiety and overthinking getting in the way of truly believing it.
i don’t know how to voice my feelings in a way that won’t make my partner feel bad or turn into an argument.
@onlyangel2003
You are explaining what many people have experienced.... I, myself have had this a lot lately.
I get it ... we tell them i do NOT like this or that ............yet it is as if we were joking. Or they thought we were kidding..... We think if they JUST paid attention we would NOT need to remind them of things they would just do things we want them to. They should be able to see it and not continue behavior IF they really cared. They may see it differently and seldom explain, When i point out they did not listen when something happens that they should know. it is always he "forgot " or did not know I meant this or that. or my personal favorite I "am overreacting "
Trying to turn it back on me.... it is infuriating. They have a super complex job but when it comes to us he plays stupid over and over.... yet he says I am over reacting when I take that personal.
I make accommodations for things they like/ want and yet in return they buy me stuff I hate to eat ... then buy things as gifts I have zero use for .... I overthink that it is not that hard to pay attention then I wonder IF they get me at all. Maybe we are sold that love story lie .. that our partners will just know / finish our sentences and not need to constantly work on communication. communicating will just be so easy....... that is perhaps why so many are divorced or unhappy because that is just not true.
It does make us pull back and not want to talk to them about anything if they can not stop small things like tickling can we trust them to pay attention when conversation is more important to us. This kills the emotional connection in relationship IMO. I now confide in others .......share my thoughts with friends that can actually listen that remember items I told them.
The arguments / communication needs to happen even if it is uncomfortable. BOTH sides need to work on it...
thank you for understanding and putting it in words from another person’s point of view.
i do feel like my partner understands me and he does care for me, but there’s just little things that bother me, like you said, then finding it humorous to continue doing things after we asked them to stop!
i appreciate your words and advice, thank you :)