self improvement
My gf broke up with me recently, it ended on good terms, so we are trying to be friends. We had a special bond and have been dating for 2,5 years, but some of it was long distance. Now we are going to be long distance friends. I made mistakes during our relationship and my issues with controlling my emotions when I felt angry or jealous is what brought us here. I repeated the same mistakes I promised to change. She is not mad at me, just tired of waiting around for a change that seems to never happen. I now truly want to become a better person for myself and learn how to navigate my emotions better. I want to be a true friend to her because she deserves the best. I regret my mistakes and I know it was my fault that we ended up like this. We both cried and the love is still there, but because of our fights and issues we cannot be together. I think this is the best decision for her well-being and I want to get through this while also supporting her and showing her I truly regret it and I care for her. Maybe in the future if she notices the change she would be willing to try again but starting new. However I truly want to work on things for myself and not just in hopes of winning her back. I just need advice on anything I can do to start this changing process. I am also a student and it is stressful as it is, so I cannot pick up many new activities as I also work and do not have the time for many hobbies.
@onetry100
Self improvement does not need to take time or be a project....... but small steps each day.....to be who you want to be.... working it in your everyday life is important so the new habits stick.
I think it is very self aware to know that making changes is not all about winning her back but improvement for yourself and future relationships etc. .........
If you know your triggers ....you can make small changes ....... for example when I get mad I tend to resort to sarcasm.... I can take a deep breath and stop myself from sarcasm and say things in a better manner rather then escalating the situation.
When you promised to change what was your initial plan to change and why was that short lived? asking yourself these things is the way to change remember small steps make a big difference.
I found someone else to be a sounding board and make me see things in a different light.....some things i was upset about was not as bad as i was making it.
But in the end sometimes bad behavior is a reaction so your issue with GF she had some small part in it....did you or can you tell her or someone in future if things are making you angry or upset?
Relationships are a 2 way street and one person is never all at fault in my opinion.
@onetry100,
I've been there too. Getting angry, not able to control my emotions and let my anger get out.
Having said that, there's nothing wrong with anger or any kind of emotions. They might have a deeper meaning, a deeper message. Anyway, whether they are justified and understandable or not, it's not smart though to act upon them.
What I started doing is writing them down afterwards and feeling where they come from. By intuition, just writing down what comes up. No thinking, no analyzing.
My challenge though was to recognize my triggers in time. Here's a great article that might help doing so:
https://lonerwolf.com/emotional-triggers/
It's great to acknowledge you want to change. Whether you guys can ever be friends or not, time will tell. Sometimes just too much happened for one party, like for my ex wife. She's always wanted to be good friends but it just doesn't seem possible for her. So much damage was done on both sides, I have dealt with that, she seems not to be able to (her past trauma doesn't help either). So focus on you and take it one step at the time. And hey, we are only human after all.
