tell me how you guys get through to your partner while dealing with your own insecurities

hi all.. im new here. really in need some support, advice or your experiences & what has worked for you guys.

im newly married, and been going through a significant rough patch with my partner & don't know where else to turn right now. i feel like i can't talk to him about whats on my mind. not sure if you are simply just incompatible or if this is something we can work through..

whenever i try to express my needs, what i say is barely acknowledged. it usually turns into "well i need this..." or "well you don't do that..."

for exmaple, our latest issue is about him traveling for work. i have a really hard time dealing with the anxiety that it brings having him hundreds of miles away. he did ask what we could do to improve the situation for me, because work travel is inevitable at his current job. i said its hard to explain, and asked him to just try to put yourself in my shoes, and went on talking about the things i felt when he was gone and what brings that on. he basically told me he "doesn't agree". he thinks i was telling him how he feels instead of listening to what i was saying as MY feelings.

the entire conversation blew up, as it usually does when i try to express my needs or wants from/in our relationship. he thinks its a personal attack and always gets extremely defensive.

this is a cycle that repeats itself very often since we've been married.

it all just makes me feel so misunderstood, and like he doesn't really care about how i feel.. like we are on opposite teams and not even working towards a common goal of simply understanding each other. i have significant trust issues, and yes he has contributed to them. but he is not the source of it all. he does not respect or understand my experiences and how they have shaped who i am. and honestly im tired of trying to help him understand because it is never received how i intend them to be, no matter how clear i am. all of this really has amplified my anxiety around it all.

we definitely have communication issues and we both acknowledge it but nothing changes when we try to implement something new.

so sorry for the rambling, my head is a mess.

if you got to the end of this, thank you so much for listening and caring..

please share any similar experiences if you are comfortable or any advice you might have, what you might try.. i don't know what else to do.