what to do about commitment issues?
Not even sure why im writing this, guess i just need some advice, alright so i’m a female in my early twenties and i’ve been seeing this guy whose in his late twenties on and off for about 6 months. he’s told me he has commitment issues but then he will randomly text me either apologizing or asking me to come over or both. and i go back every time knowing i shouldn’t and that he’s really just using me but i can’t seem to let him go. And he’s not mean, he has a kind soul and never fails to compliment me or make me laugh. in every other aspect he’s great. But then he will tell me things like not to fall in love with someone else, and that he wants to be with me but.., and at least in my eyes if two people can’t stay away from each other then maybe they shouldn’t be apart? he also doesn’t know how to communicate i tell him how i feel and how he makes me so confused then he leaves my messages on read, then he responds 2-3 weeks later apologizing explaining why he had to ghost me and all this other stuff. but every time i find myself going back or waiting for him to reach out again but like i can’t just seem to let him go and move on i feel like im always only going to want him.
@autumfrost990
It sounds like he is using you and only wants you around on his terms that is IMO not a commitment issue but a selfish or self serving issue.
Commitment issue is a general term but in most of what i have seen it is not involved in ghosting or going silent then apologizing enough to get you back over to see him ect. it is simple IF a person has trouble communicating but they are in a relationship they will work on improving not use as a blanket excuse. not seeing a text or message for a day maybe weeks nope
what or who is he doing on these breaks from you.
@autumfrost990
Honestly, from what you've written in your first post, this situation sounds like a setup for a very unhealthy relationship. If it feels unsteady and insecure now, "taking the next step" is unlikely to make anything any better.
Do you feel totally respected with him? Do you feel totally emotionally safe with him? Do you feel he's being completely honest with you? Do you feel you have excellent communication with him?
Feeling safe (both physically AND emotionally) and respected are so important in a healthy relationship. Being honest is essential. And good communication and conflict resolution are top priority. If you don't have those things, I'd say keep your distance.
I hope that doesn't sound harsh. I'm sure in some ways he's a very sweet guy, but do you want the rest of that long-term? Ghosting? Fear of commitment? Doesn't sound like he's ready for settling down with anyone.
