when I go to the gym my parents make me walk there and back

@Disneywoman thank you for sharing this with the community. :)

i hear you. it really sounds like you are being neglected and even belittled by your mother about the accommodation matter. it is really unfair of her to do that to you, especially since she does not take your disability into account.

@Disneywoman

Hi Disney! 😊 ❤️  Thank you for your forum post and for sharing of yourself with all of us here. I know that many times it can take a great deal of courage to do so! I commend you my friend! 

While I cannot provide advice, meaning "you should go and do this", what I can offer to you are my thoughts, questions, tossing around ideas and simply brainstorming as a team, together in an effort to be of help. Simply a sharing of information in effort to be helpful. Please feel free to never subjugate your thoughts, feelings or process for mine.

I must admit, this sounds like a difficult situation to be in. What I hear you saying is that you would prefer to have a ride to and from the gym and your mother doesn't want to do that.

I imagine, if you would like to and if your mother is receptive, one could go back and open up the dialogue once again. Perhaps another discussion could be had in regard to the topic in an effort to truly find understanding and reasoning behind the decision?

I have to wonder if the true reasoning behind this isn't being discussed or if their is confusion about the concept of Spoon Theory?

Your mother feels that walking to the gym, as she said "is good for" you. One question could be, what is that she finds to be good about it? Does she like the fact that you are getting the opportunity to exert your independence? Does she think that walking in the fresh air is part of self care? Does she think that mindfulness can be practiced along the way and that this also contributes to well being and a happy and healthy mind on your journey to contribute to additional ways of wellness while at the gym? Does she see the walk as an effort to decompress and offer stress relief? All viable questions, I imagine.

I would not know her reasoning as I am not her however other thoughts or questions could be considered. Does she not have the time to drive you there and pick you up? Is she truly busy in her own life with many things to do in an effort to provide good things for you as well as the rest of the family? Is a gym membership for you quite expensive in her eyes and the additional cost of bus rides something that can't be worked into the budget?

Some people see the world as their gym and that all is needed is a good pair of tennis shoes. That walking in and of itself is a form of exercise as well as using the body's own resistance in daily life with housework, yard work, or finding common items that exist in the home to be used for a good work out. Resistance bands are inexpensive as well as bottles of water, etc.

Some people don't like the idea of gyms and feel that it's odd to pay such an exorbitant price to sit in air conditioning, watch tv and to drive or ride in a car to work their body. Does she like seeing that walking is something that you can do for yourself that is inexpensive and perhaps shows your true intention to really want to be there and for your own commitment to get the most out of the gym membership? Again, just lots of questions that one could ask if one wanted to in an effort to gain understanding.

Wondering if your mother has consistently come from the stand point of not wanting you to feel helpless or "dis abled", but instead wants you to feel good about yourself and change out the thought with "I am this abled"? Is she someone that tries to motivate you to feel your own power, to feel good about yourself as well as your achievements? These would be things that only you would know.

You bring up a very good point about Spoon Theory. I have to wonder if the one the problems may be that the two of you see the concept differently? Revisiting the concept together with a google search might be helpful to ensure that everyone is reading the same thing, at the same time. Maybe a discussion could be had about what Spoon Theory means to you as well as what Spoon Theory means to her.

I hear you saying "it's a lot of spoons". I commend you for being mindful about how many spoons you have. Work outs can be incredibly exhausting as well as it breaks down the muscle tissue in an effort for it build back up. If one works out to their full limit, then walking home could be even harder.

I see that she said "but the more you do the more spoons you have-that's what I found". I agree that this is her perception and not yours. This is Spoon Theory from someone that may be able bodied and see's the spoons as infinite. This is not coming from your standpoint of someone that has a disability and has to see the spoons as "finite" and keep spoons in reserve for other things. Maybe a discussion of the meaning of the theory could help to avoid hurt feelings in the future as someone not trying to understand us can come across as lacking compassion and empathy no matter who it is that we are and disabled or not.

Thank you again Disney for your well thought out and incredibly well written forum post. I can only hope that perhaps something I said here may have a bit of value, maybe ideas or concepts to discuss with your mother if you would like to in an effort to find understanding and to help build your relationship.

If not, hopefully others will come along, read your terrific post and offer some other great ideas! It would be great if others would like to join us here in the thread!

*high fives* 😊 and big big *hugs* ❤️