Addicted to former toxic friend
Over the weekend, I crossed paths with a former friend while attending a convention. Though he said some pretty funny things, I noticed that he was a bit smug with me about his knowledge of comic books and characters. However, he is autistic so maybe he lacks a theory of mind in thinking that everyone knows who he was dressed as. Still, he seemed like he was a negative person who was trying to wrap himself in a positive burrito.
Anyway, we were going to have lunch but as we were about to sit together and catch up. However, we got interrupted by someone calling his cell. So I decided to remove myself.
It was when I left that while I wanted to spend more time with him, I also felt icky afterward. Yet, despite knowing this person wasn't good for me, I still wanted to hang out. Why?
@Summershy
Maybe one possibility is so-called attachment style?
@7motivation, never thought about attachment styles or the other
@Summershy
Perhaps another possibility is habitually falling into so-called Drama Triangle roles?
@7motivation
I don't know if the drama triangle would apply since there are two people in this relationship. What complex would apply to a duo?
@Summershy
Regarding
- I don't know if the drama triangle would apply since there are two people in this relationship.
What complex would apply to a duo?
The drama triangle roles can be helpful to think about sometimes.
- Two of the roles are the minimum dynamic
- The third role is optional
and forms a dynamic with 3 people - Is someone being the helper a lot?
- Is someone needing help a lot?
- Is someone causing a problem a lot?
- Is someone make the other feel helpless, trapped?
- Is something disempowering someone somehow?
Those are just some ideas.
@7motivation
Maybe there is some co-dependency because we are both on the autism spectrum. However, we do not get along.
@Summershy
Sometimes setting boundaries to relationships can help.
@7motivation
That sounds like a winner.
@7motivation
Update: I took your advice about setting boundaries and sent him an email. In it, I said that while I would have loved to have caught up, I was not willing for him to insult and disrespect me as a person. I also accepted that he thinks he's above me but that I get to have my own opinion about me and that I am a valuable person.
@Summershy
Thanks for sharing.
I hope your boundary setting helps.
It's a skill worth developing.
I also keep the Drama Triangle roles in mind.
We all get pulled into dysfunctional roles
without even noticing.
Whenever we interact with someone,
it can happen.
If you're interested,
you can see a growth path step link
on my profile page.
It has a very good video
that explains the drama triangle roles
and better alternative roles.
@Summershy,
because you craved company?
Apart from that, it seems like a non-issue.
@dukeofdearham
I talked about it with my therapist and there is a part of me who likes him. However, he would not be a good candidate for me.