Boyfriend and I have different opinions on career..

I have been in a committed relationship with my partner since I started college. He and I both want a college education and the career paths that brings. However, I keep finding myself getting nervous whenever I think about how our opinions on career could push us apart. They already do even in college.

I want to go into academia and do research/be a professor in a STEM field. It has been my passion since I started college and is even more so my passion now. I grew up with parents who were career oriented and both worked 80 hour weeks for quite a while getting their own business off the ground. I have always been surrounded by work and, strangely enough, feel most comfortable in high stress high work hour environments. And on days off, both my parents and I loved to travel, to go places and do things. Vacations were never, ever spent relaxing. In fact, "relaxing" only makes me feel like I'm not doing anything productive. It takes a LOT for me to "take a break" and I need constant excitement, otherwise I feel guilty for not working, or bored. Of course I wouldn't feel this way about my career if i didn't have a deep passion for my field of research and for teaching. I truly believe I want my career path to be my purpose in life.

My boyfriend is the exact opposite, I think due to his expereinces with chronic illness as well as a different family lifestyle where his mother had to work to make ends meet, but he tends to be quite a bit more laid back. Hes talked to me multiple times about how he wouldn't mind just having a 9-5 doing any old job, preferably one that can help make a difference, but his life would lie outside of the office, at home. His job would be for making money, getting benefits, and supporting what he wants to do at home. When he takes time off work, its at home playing video games, napping, relaxing. He doesn't want a job for the passion of the job. I'm pretty sure he is in the mode of survival, comfort, and consistency being the goal.

I can entirely respect that in a partner, but I do worry about whether this would affect our relationship in the future. I would travel for my job, move frequently, work long hours, and honestly, it would be my whole personality, as it already is. It already is affecting how I'm feeling in the relationship. When I complain about interdepartmental politics or something in academia in general that makes me upset and really gets my fire going, hes usually like "well you can't change it now, and I don't like seeing you get upset, just think about something else and don't worry about it." But me, as a person, feel an absolute need to change things. Getting angry and making a difference is what I feel I need to do, is what i genuinely like doing, and its going to be what I am doing for the rest of my life. I understand wanting a laid back lifestyle, but I wish he would find something that lit a fire in him like that. Right now his only real hobby outside of classes is video games, which I like too, but I have different varying hobbies as well. I've tried to talk to him about it being a concern to me but I'm certain I didn't phrase it correctly, and honestly i don't know how. I'm not sure if there is something he loves besides just... being comfortable. I don't know if hes depressed or needs help, (which I've also recommended talking to someone about to no avail) but if we're talking hierarchy of needs, i kind of feel like I'm at self actualization and he's at basic survival needs, and he doesn't really want any more than that. I ask him about his dreams from time to time, and he doesn't really have an answer besides "have a job, have healthcare, exist".

When we started dating he had a fire in him. He would talk to me about cool math facts, or interesting things engineers do, but I think he's been stuck in his degree so long he just wants to get out, make money, screw whatever job gives him that. And again, I understand. He's in desperate need of insurance benefits, and his health fluctuates so much I don't think he can bother to focus on his career. Its just one of those things where if I'm going to be happiest going and doing, I'd love it if I had a partner who wanted to go, do, and make some change with me. My boyfriend is sweet, kind, loving, funny, honest... but he isn't driven. And I am, and thats all I am.

I want this to work, but I'm terrified it won't. I'm worried I am going to neglect him being away and working all the time. I'm worried he will neglect me by not understanding why I take work home or stress about certain situations, or not managing around the house when I do come home from working long weeks. I leave for grad school really soon and he wants to move with me (its international, better healthcare). I'm going to be starting a rigorous work/school schedule, moreso than now. I want him to be able to keep up with that. But I'm terrified he can't.

Can relationships between two people with very different views on career work? And how can I approach a conversation with him about it without him getting upset or thinking I don't love him for who he is?