Boyfriend doesn’t love me, but won’t leave?
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years and living together for over 2 years. We’ve been together since high school and recently had an issue arise because I found out he cheated. We had decided to move forward, but yesterday he followed a friend of the girl he cheated with on social media. I asked him to unfollow her and he got really upset. He did unfollow her but then he started bringing up a bunch of off topic things. He brought up how I’ve gained weight, he said that I’m unsupportive, that all I do is complain, I try to be someone I’m not, and that I’m jealous of girls he follows on social media. I told him I’m not jealous, I just don’t want to be cheated on again and it’s weird that he is following girls this recent after me finding out he cheated. He says he is following girls to get exposure for his business, but he is following these girls on his personal account? Overall, I love him but I do not want to continue to be treated this way. Yesterday he said he was going to move out, but once I agreed that would be best he got mad and said he wasn’t going anywhere. We live with a family member of mine, so I wouldn’t be able to move out myself. I just feel stuck. As much as I wish it could work out, I feel like staying with him would only be worse for me because of the disrespect that he has already done. Also, I dont understand how he wants to stay when he feels all of these negative things towards me? I dont know what I should do & I don’t know if there would ever be a chance for this to work or if he is never going to change?
@Pinkflower1234 Hey, hope you are doing okay right now even though it seems like you have quite a lot on your plate and your mind. First off, I am so sorry you have to go through this, it really is quite a difficult situation and I am sorry he cheated on you when no one especially you, don't deserve that at all! I think following him cheating on you if things were to continue some things will definitely need to change so that you feel more secure. That is atleast how I think partners would best handle and move on so that the person who is cheated on is reassured that it will not happen again.
He should not say such hurtful things about you regarding your weight and how you carry yourself, especially not being "jealous" which you definitely said you were not. He seems to not understand it isn't cause you're jealous but it is a form of respect to you to not follow those girls. I think if you really wanted it to work and he did as well you could have a nice long focused talk about it and definitely make some changes towards a more healthy and fulfilling relationship. I don't think there's never a chance for something to happen it would just require work on both ends. Maybe it will help you to make a list of things you want to address so that when you do have that conversation with his full attention you won't miss something you wanted to cover.
I hope you know you deserve to be happy and fulfilled in a relationship. Take some time to evaluate and know what you deserve and how you want to be treated along with what you really want out of a relationship. Maybe look at things long term too, you are still young so don't think that there won't be another person (if you are). Even if you weren't young, you can still find love and a respectful healthy partner.
Hard to know why he says he wants to stay but I think you shouldn't be afraid if breaking up and asking him to move out is the best action for you. Ultimately, I hope you do what's best for you and your future happinness. I really am so sorry... You are strong and I hope after some thorough communication he will understand how you feel.
Feel free to message me. I wish the best :)
Hi, thank you for replying to me. I am trying my best and I hope you are doing well. I feel like I have tried to talk to my boyfriend in past situations and he doesn’t listen to what I’m saying. I will bring up 1 thing that bothers me and he will bring up 10 things that bother him. I can’t ever have a true conversation without him trying to flip it on me and act like I’m the one in the wrong. For example, anytime I bring up something that bothers me, such as before I brought up him follow girls and liking their old photos, he says that it’s just for his business and that he doesn’t care about these girls. Then he gets mad at me for being mad and goes on to tell me I act like his mom and I’m crazy and jealous and obsessed with him. He also will then go on saying “well 5 years ago when we first met you thought you were some princess but I knew about you and the stuff you’ve done”. (He means because in high school I did like to party and drink & I have been with other ppl before him) and he just brings up stuff that is completely irrelevant to the situation. Over the years in our relationship, I have gotten a good job and I finished college and he said just 2 days ago that I havent done anything with my life. He also always says I do things wrong, but I dont know when I have the time to do this because all I do is stay home, hang out with family and occasionally some friends, but even then he is always welcome to come. He is the one who has always went out, went to parties behind my back, has even picked up girls in my car with his friends. He says I dont do enough for him but I feel deeply that I give my everything to him. I have given him the roof over his head, whenever he is short on bills I pay, his car is in my name, I try to be there for him when he is down about other things, but nothing I do ever is good enough for him because he still sees me as an overweight, unsupportive girlfriend who doesn’t care to understand him. Even though I try my best to see where he is coming from in every situation, even when I was the one who was mad in the first place. I feel like the best option is to leave him. I have never said those words out loud before this week. I have always thought we would work it out, but I am tired. I’m tired of being disrespected, I’m tired of him thinking he is in control, I’m tired of arguing over stuff that starts small and becomes big. I’m just tired.
