Boyfriend is disassociating and idk what to do anymore
My boyfriend went to a party on Saturday night and ever since then he’s been more reserved and quiet. He exploded when I picked him up because he’s been bottling up his emotions. He yelled at me the entire way home and he kept threatening to jump out of the car. Ever since then he’s been disassociating and has been given me less affections, love, and has barely tried to talk to me. I went home on Monday and since then I always have to iniate the conversation and when we text, he replies with one word like yes, no, and okay. I’ve been sort of losing my mind because I miss how he was because he always showed me he loves me, but now it’s like I don’t exist and that he doesn’t care for me anymore. He told me that he can’t seem to relax around me anymore. I’m trying to let go and stop texting him, but it’s hard. I don’t know what to do anymore because I had a breakdown last night and he told me he’s gonna be there for me and that I’m his person and whatnot. But today all he said to me was I was asleep and he doesnt even try to hold a conversation. I get that he’s tired but I made it clear to him that I’m just making sure he’s okay and that I need him to act like he cares because it’s driving me insane. Idk if i should keep holding on or just let go.
I get the position your in and it’s terrible and unfair. I don’t know anything about you or this person, I don’t know if this is normal behavior for him. If it is normal behavior for him, just tell him you are not getting what you need from the relationship and if he doesn’t think he can meet those needs because of his dissociation, that’s ok but you can’t be around him. However, it seemed like you were saying this started after a party. Did something happen there? Did someone do something to him? From my understanding of what you said in the beginning, this sounds like a sudden behavior shift. And if that’s the case I definitely don’t think he’s ok. It doesn’t sound like he can handle being there for you with whatever happened. And dissociation can also make it really hard to hold a conversation, or even start one. He could be trying to be there for you but his mental health is preventing that. It seems like you are feeling confused, and upset about this. But if something did happen he may really just not have the capacity to act like he cares, even if he does care. It’s not up to me what you do, or how you handle this, and you are entitled to your emotions, and you simply have more information and experience with this person and yourself than I do. At the end of the day, you are only responsible for your actions and taking care of yourself. And you won’t be able to help anyone especially your boyfriend, if your mental health is suffering because of this. Just do your best, we are all here for you, and keep in mind that he could be being honest and genuine with you and just isn’t ok. (Keep in mind I’m also autistic, so not great at social stuff. All of what I’ve said could be complete garbage and not at all relevant) 🎨
It was a cookout with his cousin’s family. He went to his friend’s house afterwards because the party ended. I came to pick him up and he asked me for a few more mins. When he got into the car, I asked why he needed a few minutes because I was curious. He told me he was talking to her mom and then accused me of accusing him of cheating or so. To which I explained I wasn’t and the yelling started there. He’s only ever been like this the last 2 times he was drunk. It usually only happens when he’s drunk. And then the next day he had a party at a coworker’s house to where they invited him as a joke bc they excluded him from things and told him that no one cares about him. So that was also a factor as to why he’s like this. When I talked to him last night, it sort of gave me hope that even though he’s associating that it’s okay. I called him a few minutes ago to check in and he sounded annoyed and like he didn’t want to be bothered by me. I even texted him if i did anything wrong and he told me i did nothing and that it’s fine but I know it isn’t. I just hate not being able to actually talk to him about anything because he just hits me with the “im tired” or “im just trying to relax”. he works 5 days a week and sometimes 2 doubles so I get trying to relax but it’s like he doesn’t understand anything I say anymore. it’s like im trying and he’s just “whatever”. and yes your stuff did help and not complete garbage.
I have the same thoughts as the above. It does sound like your boyfriend is trying to deal with something on his own and perhaps needs to work it out on his own. You could say to him that you are aware he needs space and that you can give that to him but at the same you time you will be ready to meet him on the other side when he's ready. If he knows that you are solid with the relationship that will help him deal with what's going on with him. Men can be proud and protective too and not want to look unable to cope infront of their loved ones. It will mean a bit of faith from you but I think if you look more like support than an additional pressure he will come back to you.
Yeah i understand. Thats why I moved home so he can get space to figure everything out without me there. It also gives us space to relax and get back into hobbies we used to like. We facetimed last night and he seemed to be back to his old joking, social self. He was playing the PS4 with some new friends so idk if he actually is or not but it made me happy to see him smiling.