Don’t know how to respond to my wife
I am female 31 and my wife is 28. We have been together for 7 years and married for one year. We have had some challenges in our relationship which included my wife having an affair two years ago which we got through with counselling. My wife has always been abit passive aggressive but this has increases to almost daily over the past month or so. A few examples of this are follows: thinking everyone including me hates her, she gave our cat the silent treatment and when I tried to interact with her she ignored me I told her I was going into the bedroom as I wanted to check on my phone which was charging and she came through crying that I had done this, she will often disclose suicidal thoughts and when we discuss counselling she says she can’t afford it and when I offer to pay she tells me “I’m not a leech”. We decided to keep our finances separate, I told her I wanted to see a counsellor and she said it’s about me isn’t it. She will often have tantrums when we are discussing topics such as finances and she has admitted sometimes she dies this so I argue with her which either results in me crying or snapping at her which results in her crying. I’m not sure how to respond or cope with the passive aggressiveness any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
@Sher27 Read David Burns book, Feeling Good Together
Maybe you should go to therapy for support bcz your wife clearly wear you out. She’s probably depressed and have problems but she doesn’t want to address it. What you can do is be patient with her, and being patient isn’t easy- you need a good support to be patient. That’s where your therapist can help you. Your therapist would teach you how to handle someone depressed like your wife.
Living with someone depressed is not easy, they will always see the bad in everything even when there’s nothing bad. But all I could say is to be honest with her and patience with her.
Thank you for the suggestions I’ll give the book a read and I have an appointment with a therapist next week.
@Sher27,
you said you both got through your wife's affair through counseling. It feels to me that at least didn't get through it. Maybe she's driven by guilt, maybe she is not happy in her marriage or simply not happy.
Are you still doing counseling together? Might help to figure out what is really beneath her behavior. She needs support, that's obvious.
@Sher27
she has issues and while joint counseling may make sense ..... WILL she really open up and work through or will she nod her head and play the game .....
she has issues to work through and until she can deal with it she is taking her frustration / anger / guilt whatever out on you.....