Help Me Understand Gaslighting
I just recently heard of the term gas lighting and only vaguely understand this. I would love to hear some real examples from real people if anyone would be willing to share. Thanks for the help!
@indigoOwl6391 Gas lighting is when someone tries to convince you that your view of a situation or of the world is incorrect, and to accept the explanation they provide. I think the definition implies that the person doing the gas lighting knows what they are saying is false. So an example might be that a man is cheering on his girlfriend. She suspects he is cheating and when she brings up her suspicions he says something like, “Oh you’re overreacting. It’s just because you are so insecure that you would think I am cheating. Gas lighting can also happen in larger contexts such as in politics.
@hopefulPond6108 The definition implies that the person doing the gaslighting is trying to trick you into thinking you are crazy. This is not what politicians do! If someone is simply insisting that they are right, that's not gaslighting.
When someone tells you that you are insecure, that's not gaslighting either, because there's no trickery.
A good way to understand it is to watch one of the film versions of the original play, Gas Light.
Charlie
@RarelyCharlie Wikipedia says gaslighting can be used in politics.
@indigoOwl6391
I am inviting you to the Sharing Circle chat room where you may share with other
members of 7Cups and receive support ! 😊
Thank you very much. New on my journey here so I appreciate it!
@indigoOwl6391
I'll try to give an example-
A parent tells their child they are not supposed to stay out later than 8 pm. The child goes out, with permission for a movie, gets home just before 8 and feels they are okay with all the rules. Suddenly the parent lashes out at the child because they didn't do what they agreed. It was 7 pm they had discussed. Any mention of 8 is now a lie and the child is being disrespectful, liar and deceitful, is the child crazy? Why on earth would 8 pm make sense for a parent to even agree? Why are they intentionally lying to cover up being late? Why can't they just admit they messed up and promise not to do it again? What is wrong with the child? The child must be crazy! - That is the parent gaslighting the child.
That example sounds very similar to things I have experienced in my relationship actually. Not a great feeling. Now I am curious...why would one gaslight someone else? Is it always intentional or perhaps masking insecurities or something else?
@indigoOwl6391
I am genuinely sorry to hear the example felt relatable to your experience in the relationship. Yes, it's not a great feeling at all to realize you might have been gaslighted.
Why? Well, apparently it's a form of gaining control. As a result of prolonged gaslighting, when someone stops trusting their own memories or version of events, their ability to interact with the outside world is lost. They aren't sure of what to believe or what is their imagination because they now know they imagine things that never happened.
This is terrifying. I want to believe it's not fully intentional but if it's not then it stands to reason it might not be something that can be "fixed". I am pretty isolated from everything at this point, basically due to my relationship, so it's something I guess I need to think about. Side note I have started therapy in hopes to gain courage to defend myself going forward and learn to not let it work. After years of it...it's hard to know what's right or wrong, true or false, my morals and core beliefs. Very confusing time. Thank you for your input though.
@indigoOwl6391 gaslighting is manipulating someone to think their perspective of anything is wrong. The term derives from the title of the 1944 American film Gaslight, which was based on the 1938 British theatre play Gas Light by Patrick Hamilton, though the term did not gain popular currency in English until the mid-2010s. The term is now defined in Merriam-Webster as "psychological manipulation" to make someone question their "perception of reality," leading to "dependence[e] on the perpetrator." As you probably may be able to tell, it is not favorable, like brainwashing. I hope that helps.
Read the book Psychopath Free! Changed my life! Explains all of that stuff...gaslighting, love bombing and grooming.
@indigoOwl6391 gaslighting is when people try to make you question and doubt yourself, for example implying that your feelings aren't right, that you're overreacting, that you're making things up... It's a controlling strategy that abusive people often use to keep others trapped in a certain relationship.
Let's say for example that you have a partner that constantly belittles you and straight up offends you. If you confront your partner about it and they claim that you're overreacting, that those were not offenses but "constructive criticism" and they said those things for your own good... That's gaslighting.
