Help
Hello there. my boyfriend of 4 years had a porn addiction 2.5 years ago. I think watching porn is cheating and he knew that. When I caught him he lied to my face and said he didn't do it when I had the evidence in my hand. He said it was my fault and that he did it because I wasnt experienced enough for him sexually. He hasn't done anything since I caught him because he says he doesn't wanna lose me. He says he regrets what he did but I can't trust him after him lying to my face. I feel really insecure around him cause he blamed me for his porn addiction. I don't want to lose him but I love him. I just don't know what to do. Everytime I think about what he did it makes me so angry.
@intelligentAvocado8214
Hi--apologies for the delayed response. 💜 I can understand why you'd feel angry and distrustful from what you've described:
- He watched porn despite knowing that you consider it to be cheating
- He tried to lie about it, even though you were certain that he did it based on the evidence you had
- He tried to blame his actions on you, e.g. "If you were more experienced sexually, maybe I wouldn't have cheated on you"
That last bullet in particular is what would probably bother me most if I were in the situation. Some couples have defined their relationship in such a way that porn usage is okay. But if you have communicated that you consider porn to be cheating and that's how you've defined things, then it is cheating.
Here are a couple resources I was able to find that might be relevant.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/202002/does-watching-porn-count-cheating
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/you-found-out-your-partner-uses-porn-now-what-0122155
Honestly I can relate to this so much I have the same problem if you would like to chat message me!
@politeNickel5328
FYI, members aren't able to send private messages back and forth, but if one of you creates a Listener account that'll be possible.