Help
I am engaged to someone and I used to like his brother 2 years ago but we were also really really good friends. Like best friends. But he had a girlfriend so I never acted on any feelings and stayed just friends, never flirted or anything like that. Then a year or so later, I met his brother and fell for him. We ended up dating & he proposed after a year of dating. I stayed talking to his brother and would tell him about anything really because we remained good friends. Then me and my fiancé ended up breaking up for a couple of hours and since I was still talking to his brother, I was just really wanted to have a conversation and get my mind off of me and my fiancés break up so I told his brother about how I used to like him a long time ago and we laughed about it. It wasn’t anything too serious. But then my fiancé and I got back together and this is eating me alive even though I know I didn’t cheat and didn’t do anything wrong. I just have really bad anxiety and when something like this happened in my other relationships, I felt the need to tell them about it even though it wasn’t needed and also wouldn’t help the relationship. I would feel the need to tell them everything because my brain wouldn’t allow me to NOT tell them. I had horrible anxiety attacks over small things that would happen like years ago and the thoughts would make me overthink and have anxiety attacks that I needed to tell them about what happened (it was never about me cheating, it wasn’t even that big) but it would always cause the relationship problems when I did it. I don’t know how to explain it. I know this time with my fiancé, it wouldn’t help anything if I told him but it’s still eating me alive. Would it be okay if I didn’t tell him because I never cheated or anything, it wasn’t anything bad. Sigh. Does anyone ever get like this or is it just me? This is why I stayed single for 4 years 🤦🏻♀️
@emotionalSpruce7886
I understand your anxiety and IMO it is better to have the issues of wanting complete truth and openness is far better then the opposite and never tell anything but i would say give yourself a break.
Regardless of that it is innocent and not an issue it will be if you say anything .....
i think those of us that feel tell all end up with small items thrown back into our face or blown way out of proportion .... what good will it do cause doubt in your fiance?......... perhaps cause issues between brothers ? ...........does that snowball into in- law issues down the road ?
i see no up side other then you feel the need to spill it ... do you ever question why you feel that need to say things that often end up self sabotaging?
So, I went out on a couple of dates with my brother-in-law prior to him dating/marrying my sister.
He told me he had a crush on her on one of our dates and I knew she was single (and at that time a significantly better person than I and he’s a good dude that deserved that) so I sat them up.
All that to say, it’s only an issue if your SO and you make it one. It will be better for your SO to hear it from you then someone else.
