I broke it off, but don't have confidence I can be loved by anyone else

I was with my partner for four years and broke up with him this weekend. I'd moved away for school, and had time to think about the kind of relationship I really wanted. He was a good person. A good, nice person. But I finally realized once I had moved that what was lacking was a depth of communication. A friendship, before there was a relationship. I want to be with a person who thinks I'm more than cute and nice, and someone I can feel the same about too, someone who will talk about anything in the universe and we never get tired of it and don't feel afraid to express hard things. I want a depth, a passion, the feeling that I could talk to them for hours and we would never run out of things to say. The knowledge that my partner is motivated and driven to give back to the world and loves that I do the same thing and respects my own determination and sense of direction as a person and it makes them love me even more. I want something deeper, and mature.

I know breaking up was the right decision. At the end of the day I knew if i stayed i would always wonder if I could be happier, and that wouldn't be fair to him or myself. But since I broke it off, my number one fear is that no one will ever love me in the way i've been hoping, that it doesn't really exist, and I just ruined the only chance i've ever had for someone to love me. I've struggled my whole life with not having a great self esteem. I've never been very successful in making or keeping friends and relationships. I want to meet someone authentically at something we share mutually, and we fall for each other, we admire each other, we respect one another, and it turns into a love. But i feel like that can't possibly exist. Everyone uses dating apps, and i don't want to. I don't believe it will give me what i want. I want to join groups and do good work at my university and genuinely get to know people in those areas of my life who can understand where i'm coming from before they just judge based on my face and a profile. But I just can't imagine a world where anyone would even bother approaching, especially not with me. I don't have a face that screams stereotypically attractive, and I don't do much interesting since I mostly work. No one has ever just come up to me and asked me on a date in my life, much less anyone i'm friends with. I'm trying to learn to be more confident but i don't feel good enough, I just feel like i'm lying. I feel like I'm aiming for something that can't even exist in real life, and my standards must just be too high.

Im hurting a lot. I shouldn't be the one hurting if i initiated the split, but I am. Because I have such a hard time believing that I could ever do better. I don't know how to get more confident in myself. I don't know how to trust that someone out there would actually love me the way i want to be loved. I feel like those people don't actually exist and I'm just being too much. How can I learn to love myself more on my own? How can I learn to let people come to me? Especially when for years of my life, no one would ever bother.