I can’t get through to him
My boyfriend (24) and I (23) have been together going on 5 yrs. lately we have been having some really rough patches. We both have our flaws but we both typically find a way to get through them. Lately I’ve been noticing that he has a tendency to bring up my past mistakes when he makes a mistake. Like if I have been guilty of doing something in the past, and he does that same act he brings up that I make the same mistake. He doesn’t understand the significance of doing this. I’ve tried to bring it to his attention but he completely denies that it happens or finds an excuse to make it seem ok or he turns it around on me. I don’t know how to bring this to his understanding and I feel like this is really important to know.
My boyfriend and I have been together going on 4years now. I’m 27 he’s 28. We’ve been going through some really hard times too. It seems to me though that he doesn’t want to take accountability for his actions so he retaliates by blaming you or denying it which is an unhealthy behavior.
I agree with you. A yr or so ago I mentioned to him that maybe he should start holding himself accountable for his wrong doings and he got really offended. I have tried since then many times to bring it to his attention that he constantly find excuses for his mistakes instead of owning up to them and he just consistently denied it.
Hi, I'm in a similar issue with the my girlfriend of 10 years both 25 now..but like you mentioned we both have flaws of course we do but I've put my past behind me and apologised to the hills I've never cheated but have spoke to girls never lewdy but I can understand why that threatened her, but recently she got very close to someone at work and I found out it came very close to her physically cheating on me ( all I know is that he kissed her on a night out ) and I brought this up and straight away the past is used against me, I adore this woman I want to make her understand how I feel and why it upset me but she don't want to talk about it, I've always believed being open and talking is the best thing to do but it seems that's not an option right now.. maybe try to explain to him about burying the past and moving on together everyone is worth a second chance and people do change I hope you can get though to him. J
I understand the similarities in both our situations. I understand how you could feel about your gf cheating but I also understand why she may not want to speak about it. I think to make things better it would have to be discussed and to gain a better understanding of each other. In my situation I think it is a matter of my bf being willing to forget my past and believe that I am not who I was. He says he forgives my past, as have I, but he still brings up my past mistakes when he makes the same mistake. He makes it seem like we both make mistakes instead of taking accountability for his mistake. We can both move on from the past except when it appears again in the present, similarly to in your situation.
