I did good?!

Hey guys! I'm writing this at like 1:00 AM but I had a rough patch about an hour ago with my boyfriend. But this time I actually did a good job handling it!

He and his second girlfriend (it's a weird "poly" thing) were kind of provoking me. Making weird comments about me being sat on by her, and also teasing me for being on my phone chatting with friends.

I was joking with them at first, but it was making me uncomfortable so eventually I tried to ignore them. Well, at some point I said "ew".

Instantly they scowled. I ignored it because I didn't know what to do about it. I figured they mistook it (whether deliberately or not), and thought they would eventually forget it since it wasn't really a big deal, right?

Well, I was wrong. After maybe 30 minutes, boyfriend starts talking to me but he was glaring and he had a monotone, grumpy voice. I realize he may have been laying it on thick to try to get me to ask what was wrong.

Apparently he was so upset by me saying "ew", that he had to make it known that I messed up. I had to insist it wasn't even made toward them. He made me insist this multiple times. He did not believe I could have been saying "ew" to anything on my phone screen.

But I remained calm and consistent. This can be very difficult. Luckily his other girlfriend had already left the room. She tends to make things worse when she's around for tense moments like these. She sides with him and then it becomes me against both of them. But hey, she went to bed so it was just him and I for the silly arguing.

A couple of times I repeated a line he has told me multiple times throughout our relationship: "Don't make a problem when there is none." Or some variation of this exact line. He actually took that and told me I was trying to invalidate his feelings. I had to remind him that was a line he always told me when I was upset about something. Again, I remained calm.

Even after I insisted on everything being fine, and the "ew" not necessarily being for them, he was mad. Trying to tell me I was forcing him to talk about these things. Of course, I was not trying to force a continued conversation about the issue. I'm not even the one who brought it up.

But instead of arguing about who started what, I decided to just ask: "Do you want a hug?"

He said things like, "only hug me if you want to," and "I won't ask you for a hug." Again, I insisted on something. I said, "I'm asking you if you want a hug."

And wouldn't you know it? He actually stopped arguing over hugs and just said yes. So, I hugged him.

Normally during these situations, he pushes harder and harder, and I lose my calm. But this time? I stayed calm and I knew just how to respond to most of what he said, and it actually worked!

Now I have to hope the crippling weight of the dramatic and late hour doesn't cause me to suddenly start crying when I go to bed. I want sleep, and also they respond with annoyance when I cry at night. So... wish me luck. 😆