Letting go someone you have strong bond with but don’t want to marry.
Hey everyone ~
I have been working on letting go of a very deep safe space connection with a lover and partner; however, I feel I’ve never fully committed to him or see us getting married. We have been going through a toxic cycle, due to him not feeling wanted and fully loved. He tries his best to meet other people to get his needs met, then he always comes back after he has merged with other women sexually and emotionally. Since the bond is so strong I have such a hard time saying no when he comes back, but It puts me in a painful situation. It hurts me to watch him date other people, and since I’m so emotionally attached and feel guilty for not fully loving him I let him come back out of pain or loneliness or to feel that safety again.
This likely goes hand and hand with me not feeling emotional safe with my dad; therefore, this relationship or best friendship has been the space to meet those needs.
What I want now, is to move forward so I can find someone I feel both emotionally safe with but also outrageously romantic/attracted to them.
How do you deal with the pain of letting someone who has held such a safe space for you go, face the loneliness, and start coping on your own….. how do you face the pain of losing the bond?
I want this. That’s what I keep trying to tell myself.
<3
@healingconscious
I can hear your pain and confusion in your words here. These situations are difficult. You care about someone very much but at the same time that person has become toxic to you.
The first step is recognizing this pattern - which you have done. The next steps are to think about what is the best way to manage his re-entry when it happens because as you've seen, it will happen.
And the final thing is to keep reminding yourself that you deserve better. You are worthy and how you feel matters.
I went through something similar and I had to work on self-discipline with myself in not giving in to what was so comfortable and familiar to be able to really move forward. It is difficult, but you can do it and in the long run, you will be happy you didn't settle for a relationship that causes you so much distress.
Sending you vibes for clarity, peace and happiness ❤️