Missing my ex

I have really been missing my ex lately we just recently got back in contact with each other after being broken up for around 8 months or so I dated someone else during that time thinking he would be better than my ex and he was the exact opposite he was 1000 times worse than my ex ever was which made me miss him almost immediately because I knew he would never lie to me he was always honest and at the beginning he was super in love and I just miss that because it was mutual. Then he became super distant and not engaged at all or seemed like he cared about anything and was super uninterested in me so I decided to break up with him because I thought it was me but no we are friends right now and he’s a little better but still the same way. I had confessed to him that I missed him and he wasn’t into it and ignored me for a bit so I don’t know if that’s just because he is scared to be rejected or vulnerable because that’s his way in a relationship is to protect himself so he doesn’t really interact in a connecting way because he’s scared to be hurt and rejected so I’m not sure it just makes me sad because I do genuinely love and care about him but I’ve already broken his trust once by breaking up with him so I’m sure I’ll never have a chance again which I understand why I wouldn’t. I just want him to be happy. I also know if we get back together he will still be the same uninterested person and still have his girl best friends and get drunk often and continue to follow half naked girls on insta that are no where close to my body and I’ll feel insecure so I’m not sure why I miss him so much but I do I have improved and I just want to show him I have improved and love him how he deserves to be loved but now I’m so scared to express my feelings to him because he’s so dismissive