My ex gf who I love is cheating on her new bf with me
But she still doesn't want to get back with me and she's justifying that it's not full on sex because it's only fingers and oral on her and also we're not kissing. But like comeon any of the stuff we've been doing if he did the same she'd be rightfully mad. She says she has no reason to break up with him because he's super nice and they never argue. Which is the opposite of me. I hate him because he knew from the beginning that we were trying to work things out and he didn't back off, something I would have done. We basically have a family together, our kids think of each other as step brothers. But honestly I'm not even thinking much about him. I just don't get how she wants me still emotionally and physically (she video calls me just to ask a simple question at least once a day especially if she hasn't heard from me all day). But isn't willing to just dump her bf to give us a chance to mend things.
@optimisticFriend2868
She's getting her needs met, with the both of you. What he doesn't have, you do, and vice versa. It's a perfect situation for her... until, someone finds out or gets emotionally wrecked. I know the physical aspect of things are fun, but there is still a toll you're paying. This situation is preventing you from fully moving on, and perhaps finding someone new that could give you everything you need and more, because you're stuck in an unhealthy relationship with your ex.
There is no possible justification that can be used for this situation, and certainly the excuse of "only hands only oral" is BS - and you both know it, it's weak justification, to make what is happening somehow alright. It isn't.
So. You can opt to keep this going, but here is the thing, most men wouldn't want her back since if she's cheating on him - it may be easy for her to cheat on you, with him once you're back together. Why? She's getting her needs from two men, clearly you don't have everything she wants, which will not change if she comes back.
While you're getting even with him, for not backing off and "stealing" her so to speak, there is a huge underestimation here on the potential pain that can be at the destination station for the train you're traveling. In these situations, it's always selfish, and without question, can impact the children too.
Don't think I'm sitting here scolding you, only pointing out that there is far more going on here than just messing around aka cheating. No one is thinking about or considering the pain on all sides, when this is eventually brought to light.
You're the man, must make a decision to maintain self-control, and establish healthy boundaries.
Just remember, this train, left unchecked, will derail eventually... you have to decide if you're going to be on it when it does.
I hope that you eventually find someone that treats you far better, that is more what you need, and is committed to your relationship.