Need Some Advice...
So I don't know if I need more relationship advice or anxiety advice but I'm having a disagreement with my boyfriend and I'm not sure what do. We've been together for over 5 years and overall have been pretty happy together and we always work out any disagreements we have.. However, today my boyfriend told me he wants us to go out to eat at a restaurant with his friends tomorrow. Now my boyfriend has only had his first vaccine about a week ago and I had the one shot vaccine about 2 weeks ago now. However, I'm currently taking medicine that has a weaken immune system as a side effect. I'm only taking it for a week so I'm assuming I'll be fine once I'm off it. So I told my boyfirend I want to wait until he's fully vaccinated before we go and he said no, then I told him at least to wait until I'm done with my prescription before we go and he said no to that too. He's insistent on going tomorrow and I'm just still so scared of covid, I just still don't think it's safe enough and boyfriend's been so understanding of that until now. I just don't know what to do, am I overreacting or is there a way I could phrase it better that might make him more understanding?
What is his reasoning for saying no so stubbornly? For going tomorrow and tomorrow only? Are his friends leaving town the next day? Do they have a reservation? Was it expensive? Is this a super-exclusive restaurant or something? Because to my knowledge, the world isn’t ending after tomorrow. And of course, you don’t actually have to answer all of these questions.. they’re just things I would be wondering myself. I don’t know what other people might think, but personally, I don’t think you’re overreacting. I’m not sure where you’re located, but I empathize with you. So many people have died. And you’re going to EAT, nonetheless. That means you have to take your mask off. I understand how you’re feeling - I’d be scared too. Will he be upset if you choose to opt-out? Will his friends be upset? I mean, to be honest, they’re just his friends. If it were a work thing, or dinner with his parents, even... then I’d be more inclined to go. But it just doesn’t seem like such a big deal. Dinner with friends. Wow. Pardon my sarcasm, but I just don’t understand why he’s being so stubborn. Has he not seen these friends in years? I mean, I can’t tell you what to do, but if you’re at risk of getting ill due to your medication, I wouldn’t judge you if you chose to opt-out. After all, you can always make it up to him with a kind gesture later. I wish you the best of luck 🤗
Thank you! Yea it's really not all that important, and he's decided to go even if I don't. I guess I feel really disrespected because, yes it's his best friend he's going to see, but this friend recently didn't talked to him for like a month and is now pretending like that never happened. I hope this isn't an overreaction that I'm really upset that my boyfriend is choosing to risk not only his own life, but mine too, to see a friend he's having issues with. I even told him to just invite his friend over if he wants to see him so badly but he wouldn't talk to me for the rest of the night. I have work this morning so if he decides to go while I'm at work, I guess I'm going to pack up so stuff when I get home and stay with my parents for a week. I don't know I feel like this is a even bigger issue than just wanting to see his friend. The other week I got my covid vaccine as I mentioned and I got really sick. We had some friends over that night and my boyfriend argued with me for not wanting him to hang out with our friends because I was really sicked and needed him to take care of me. I know I tend to be really dependent on him at times and I'm trying to work on it but when it comes to serious issues that I really need him to be on my side for, he just isn't and it really hurts. Thank you for listening to me though, I'm just at such a loss as to what to do.
Ah, I understand... sometimes you have to do some digging to get to the “core” of an issue. While these incidents don’t seem to be that big on their own, the “core” issue does — that being that you feel like he can be inconsiderate of your feelings/well-being, and you don’t feel like he’s there for you when you need him the most. That is definitely something worth talking to him about. Don’t forget that if you want to resolve this issue effectively though, you also need to listen to his side of things. His feelings. His thoughts. Because maybe, on his end, he’s feeling like you’re never there for him when HE needs you. Perhaps you hanging out with his friends is really important to him for some reason. And perhaps he feels like you always make excuses or say no, etc. Of course, I’m just giving you an overgeneralized example — I’m not at all saying that’s how things are. But this is why it’s important for you to sit down with him and have an honest talk about how his actions make you feel and vise versa. You know what YOU’RE feeling, and while those feelings are completely valid, because we all deserve to feel supported and cared for, you might need to take his feelings into consideration too. Maybe the “core” issue HE’S dealing with is a little different from yours. So, I’d advice you to talk to him once you’re both ready. If you feel like staying at your parents’ house will give you both some time to cool off, then by all means do that. You know him best, and you probably already know to handle him when he’s upset. I wouldn’t let it go on for too long though. The longer you two wait to talk, the longer you allow all those negative feelings to brew and build up. But I think you guys will be okay. Remember to be calm and civil. And try to stick to “I” statements, instead of “you” statements. “I feel disrespected when you don’t consider my situation/feelings,” instead of “YOU never care for me when I need you.” That kind of thing. I wish you the best 💜
Thank you that's really great advice! Like I've said we've always been able to work through our disagreements, this is probably just something that's been building up between us for awhile. We just need to get better at understanding each other point of view. And again thank you, I know this is something we'll get through, it just a bit harder this time when I feel like my life might be in danger at the risk of getting covid. But I'll listen to his side and hopefully we can make a compromise that we're both comfortable with, be that seeing his friends another time or me going to stay with my parents so he can go see them today.
I think you’ve got a good handle of it ☺️ good luck with everything, and I think you’re doing great!
Hey I just wanted to follow up. When I got home my boyfriend was about to leave to go meet his friend. Luckily he stopped and talked to me and I just explained my side and he was understanding and he explained his and it all made a lot more sense. He was worried if he didn't go and see his friend, that they might stop talking to him. He apologized for making me feel disrespected and I apologized for arguing and not hearing him out last night. We ended up compromising by him asking his friend if we could just get the food to go and eat at our house. So it all ended up working out, we just realized we really need to work on better communication so we don't go to bed angry at each other.
Awe that’s great!! I’m really glad you guys worked it out! 😊 Props to you both for being calm and understanding.
