No contact with entire family

I have no contact with my entire family, only my older sister who lives 24 hours away. when I was 12 my parents cut out my older sister from our lives. For the next five years I never saw her or spoke to her. When I was 18 I reconnected with her in secrecy. I tried mentioning it to my parents and they called me a traitor. I moved out of their house when I was 20 and things only went downhill from there. My mother is a narcissist and my father gave into anything she wanted. They were very controlling and had no boundaries. Privacy is nonexistent to them. When I moved out I got into a toxic relationship And they ended up with me going to jail for self-defense because he attacked me. I was ashamed of going to jail and kept it a secret so my family didn’t find out. 10 months later they found out that I went to jail, came to my workplace and told me not to come back. Then I was going to *** and cannot be saved from my sins. Told me I was not allowed to talk to any of my under siblings in that they were no longer my family. Several weeks later they tried to reach out but I did not respond. Since then, for my own mental health and safety, I have been no contact.

now there is much more to this, years of abuse. But they have never believed they are wrong and anything they have done. My parents have also turned my younger siblings against me. I no longer have a family. I feel guilty every day for not having contact with them. part of me feels like the guilt is so strong because they vocally support the idea that they are in the wrong and that I am. I am not angry with them but I am sad for them because they live a very sad life. Leaving and moving away was the best thing I could do for myself. I have peace of mind and my mental health is so much better. But I feel very lonely because I do not have anyone. And even though there are friends that have taken me in and treat me like family, I still truly do not have a family. One of the hardest things you can do is saying goodbye to blood. I miss my siblings but I know my relationship, if we ever have one again, will never be the same. My whole childhood is lost, I can never return to those times in my life. They seem so foreign to me now, which I feel is a trauma response. I know I suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, etc. I have been to therapy and it has helped tons. I am not currently in therapy because I do not need it. My therapist gave me the proper tools I needed to take care of myself. But again I just get sad because I no longer have a family