Ok to wait for someone and ignore the other fish in the sea?
I am interested in someone, and we never got to a relationship, but had a few dates. They then told me that we can not have a relationship right now due to an external reason (how it would be perceived by others).
It is confusing because the "external" gives hope that if things were to change there would be a chance for this to work. We have agreed to stay friends, and that feels ok, I am sad but I know it will get better.
I know in the dating world nowadays there is this concept of not settling on one person. As soon as things don't work, move onto the next. The thing is, we have a connection like I have never felt before.
Despite not wanting a relationship with me, this person has put in a lot of effort to make sure we will be able to continue a friendship. They have been very patient while I spent some time in denial. I then wasn't sure if I would be able to be just friends. I have certainly had some ups and downs with the whole process. As I have taken my time to settle, they have been there patiently and consistently, and as I have come out the other side they are still there, waiting for our friendship to continue.
In order to be honest with them, I let them know that I would probably still continue to have feelings. I am ready to give the friendship a go, but I am also still hoping things work out romantically. I have no interest in going out searching for someone else.
I feel like the support and connection I get from this person are a huge change from any connection I have had in my life before. It is definitely not worth losing because there was some attraction that we never acted on. But at the same time, I can't help but feel that it could be worth waiting for. Is that wrong? Should I actively seek another person?
@tinyGiraffe777
There isn’t a single “right” way to handle this. What matters is staying honest with yourself while protecting your emotional well-being. You’re allowed to value a meaningful connection and stay open to life without putting yourself on hold. Clarity, boundaries, and self-kindness will guide you better than dating rules ever can.
@tinyGiraffe777
Only you can decide. Does the reason make sense to you? what would it take to get past that?
The connection and feelings always tell us this is worth waiting for. Whatever is the reason do you see a realistic way forward? If it is about others not approving, do you realistically see that both of you not caring how others perceive it?
I waited for someone thinking I would never have that feeling of connection with someone else. Later I found in my case I did find something even stronger.
If you're hoping it will work out romantically you won't be able to put effort into connecting with someone new. If you can, then the connection isn't as strong as you think.
So if you decide to be friends for now, you're choosing to hope it will work out. And you need to accept it might, it might not. That's the only choice you can make here, if you're ready to continue this if it might not work.
And unless you're 70, you've got time to meet new people later, if this doesn't work you can look for other people.
I would give it a time limit tho. For how long you can be friends, before it becomes too hard for you. So tell this person, we can try to be friends for 6 months or a year, and if then you still are not ready to date me, we cut ties. Choose the amount of time you're ready to sacrifice in case if doesn't work
I was in distance relationship for a year, "being friends" whole obviously wanting more, didn't work, many thing are wrong when you try to do that. It ended, but i hope to see him again this summer, so i have myself time until summer, to not try to move, to still hope. If it doesn't work then, i will have to move on, whether i want it or no
But i don't know you, you might have different views on this, and yours might be right, no one knows how this damn love works lol