Relationship advice needed for a female with a husband who is bi
My husband, who me and others have joked is more like the wife of our relationship, has told me that he is interested in femboys. I can't remember exactly how this got brought up or anything....but I remember saying that if having physical relationships with men is something he needed then I wouldnt mind...with some set boundaries in place. However, he began showing me these beautiful ultra feminine males, femboys, telling me that these are the kind of men he was in to. Now, I am obese and I am a bit of a tom boy. In fact looking at myself verse the femboys he showed me I realized that I was the complete opposite. I started to reel....and have made myself a cot on to floor because I was so upset I didn't want to lay with him.
I keep wondering....why is he with me? Am I just not feminine enough for him? Not dainty...skinny or pretty enough? Am I just more stable, more comfortable and known that he doesnt want to leave me to prosue other options? He's a shy man....it would be a hassle for him to do so and I know that femboys, the kinds he likes at least, are few and far between to find because of self consciousness along with other issues...so the odds of him finding and clicking with a person like that is low....so it almost feels like I am being hyper emotional....but the hurt from this is real.
What do I do? What should I say? How can I make sense of all this? In this what if scenario I hardly batted an eye when telling him that I loved him enough to allow this sort of open but not open marriage if it respected my boundaries but after he showed me pictures of his 'type' of male I almost want to walk back my response. What am I supposed to do?
@passionateLion1858 There's a whole lot going on here, but I wanted to say I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Everything you're feeling and expressed here is something you really need to have a heart to heart talk with your husband. You're going to have to let your feelings and worries out because, if not, our inner thoughts have a way of causing us to spiral.
I can't and won't comment on your marriage. What 2 people allow in their own marriage is their choice. I know you mentioned what you told your husband about giving his the green light, but now thoughts have crept into your mind and you're questioning things. Now you're feeling hurt and I'm sorry you are. Do you think it could be insecurity have you questioning certain things only since you've seen the photos of the "men" he's actually into and attracted to? Maybe because it's not the the initial kind of "man" you thought of. Instead of the feminine ones. Just a thought here, I don't know.
But I do want to say this-- just because he's attracted to "femboys" does not take away the femininity you have. It does not take away the beauty you have and possess even if you calm yourself a tomboy. Please don't second guess this. This is not a you problem. There's nothing wrong with you. Because if you ask me, as his wife, you should be enough! You are enough. Again, what you allow in your marriage is your business.
I just want to assure you that you are good enough and let you know how you're feeling hurt is valid. I hope you feel safe enough to have the uncomfortable, vulnerable talks with your husband. Be honest with your feelings and don't pretend to be ok with something when you're not. Please don't hurt in silence. I wish you all the best. Take care.
