Sexual Compatibility or Sexual Attraction
My partner and I have been together for 4 years and engaged for 4 months. He was the first guy I’ve ever been with. I’ve only ever been with 1 girl romantically before him. I would say I’m demisexual at the very least if that matters. Even though we have been together for so long, I’m still uncomfortable with showing signs of affection and initiating sex and being sensual towards him. We are very much 9/10 in every other part of our relationship but seeing as sexual compatibility is a big one, it has began to worry me. When we are being intimate I always let him take control and I feel uncomfortable when I have to be in control. I’m starting to believe it could be a sexual attraction issue. I’ve told my fiancé how I feel uncomfortable and he is positive. He thinks I should learn my body more so I know what I like and he can help satisfy me. I do think I need help in that area but also I wonder if it’s just because there’s no sexual desire towards him sometimes. I don’t know if that grows with time, if it’s supposed to be natural or if it’s just is/isn’t supposed to be there. It could also be because of my sexuality perhaps. I don’t know what to think. There just seems to be a lot of layers to this and I don’t know if/how it can be resolved.
@pioneeringVillage7057
it might grow in time and sounds like he wants to work on that issue with you but believe me IF you think you can work around it .... nope it will become a much bigger issue.
I realize this but I don’t know if this is one of those things that can be continuously worked on and improves with time or is a deal breaker? Like when married people and experts say marriage is hard work is this one of those things that requires hard work or should it just come naturally? It doesn’t seem right to throw away a relationship if there is only one problem but it also doesn’t seem right to know that something is missing. I don’t know what to do here.
@pioneeringVillage7057
met someone once had no attraction but as we got to know each other better he became more attractive to me but that was early on ... at 4 years of being with and 4 months engaged ..........if you do not have those feelings and everything else works it probably is not going to change.
it might be easy to think you can work around it.... but someday what happens when you find someone you are extremely attracted to ....... you should be honest and work on this before saying ..i do
@pioneeringVillage7057
Hi I'm reading this and a couple questions come to mind. If it were an issue before this relationship started, parents etc. I would have to go deeper into you and you realizing where this insecurity stems from within you. Sorry one question is your age. The second is what do you want in this relationship. I mean people say they are in love but actually what kind of love are you feeling or wanting.