She wants to go clubbing every Thursday, I just want more time together
My girlfriend and I have been together for over a year, and it’s been one of the best periods of my life. We’re both med students, so free time is really limited. Lately, though, we’ve been arguing more, especially about how we spend the little time we have.
This year I’m behind on exams and won’t be in class with her. We just found out Fridays are free, so no early wake-ups. As soon as she heard this, she said she wants to go clubbing every Thursday, since she loves it. I really don’t enjoy clubbing, and I was hoping we could use Thursday nights for some proper quality time—not just quick study breaks like during the week (this year we met on evenings around 2 times a week from 9 p.m. to 11:30 p.m. or we studied together during the day if this wasn't possible but I don't like it at all)
She says we’ll still have Friday and Saturday nights, but she often goes home on weekends, so that’s not always true. She agreed not to go clubbing on the Thursdays when she’s away, but that still leaves most weeks.
To be clear: I don’t have a problem with her going clubbing—she did that last year too—but doing it this often, at the expense of our time together, does bother me. I told her I don’t mind her spending time with friends, but I don’t think it’s fair to give up our one proper evening for that, especially when we barely see each other Monday to Wednesday.
Maybe I’m being too clingy? I just feel like we don’t value our time together the same way.
@dragonheartt
I wouldn't call it clingy and I can see why you value your time together as it is so precious. You and your gf will have to communicate to find a compromise that suits you both. Either she go clubbing every second Thursday or you just go with it, even though you don't like it, you are still together 🥰 I genuinely hope you both can find a happy solution that brings you closer together 💜
@Amanda84
Thank you for your kind response, it helps me a lot. I have a lot of things going on right now in my life and there was a time when my realtionship was a safe place but lately it has become something that adds stress in my life.
@Amanda84
But honestly I am the one who always found compromises I expect her to meet my needs this time. I hate going clubbing
@dragonheartt
I appreciate that and a relationship shouldn't bring you stress, you might have to ask yourself some hard questions, if she doesn't want to compromise, if this relationship is for you anymore 💜💕
@dragonheartt
You're not being too clingy. You're expressing a valid emotional need for connection in a relationship where time is already limited and precious. This is about prioritization, reciprocity, and emotional investment. You're not asking her to stop having fun. You're asking, “Can we protect one night to actually feel like a couple, not just two tired med students crossing paths?”
That’s not clingy. That’s healthy.
So what's actually happening?
- You’re in a high-stress, low-time phase of life (med school), and you're naturally craving deep, restorative connection.
- You feel like she’s choosing stimulation and freedom (clubbing) over intimacy and shared grounding.
- Your worry isn’t about what she’s doing—it’s that your bond feels deprioritized, especially when there’s so little time available.
So it comes down to a basic question, “Do we value our relationship time the same way—and are we willing to compromise for it?”
If she sees Thursday night as hers, but you see it as yours together, that mismatch will continue to create hurt and distance.
1. Validate Her Autonomy, Then Share Your Need
Start from a place of understanding:
“I get that you love clubbing—it’s fun, freeing, and social. I’m not asking you to stop doing what you enjoy.”
Then, express your emotional reality:
“But I need to be honest: Thursdays were the one night I was hoping we could count on to be us. Without that, I feel more like an add-on than a priority.”
2. Frame It As Shared Investment, Not Control
You’re not saying, “I want to control your schedule.” You’re saying:
“Can we both protect time that lets our relationship breathe and grow? Because without it, I feel disconnected.”
3. Offer a Compromise
-
Maybe one Thursday a month is hers completely.
-
Another is always reserved for you two.
Perhaps you could plan daytime Friday dates occasionally, if Thursday is off the table.
This shows flexibility, but preserves intimacy.
If You’re Not Heard or Met with Compassion? That’s a bigger issue—not about clubbing, but about whether your emotional needs matter to her. If the response is dismissive or defensive, ask yourself:
“Am I in a relationship where we solve things as a team—or am I constantly negotiating to be seen?”
Final Thought:
You’re not asking for too much. You’re asking for enough—and that’s reasonable in any relationship. Intimacy doesn’t thrive on scraps of time; it needs to feel chosen, not circumstantial.
