The 5-5-5 Technique
H Relationship Community!
Conflict resolution is a challenging situation, especially within relationships. It can feel like we are constantly unheard and the other person might be feeling the same way too. I have a technique here that you might want to try on listening:
When you are faced with conflict, it can help to give the person time to talk so they feel like they are expressing themselves. A technique that can be used is the 5-5-5 method.
1.. Let your friend or partner know that you are going to each take 5 minutes to talk about the problem you are faced with.
2. Give them 5 minutes to talk, no interruptions until they've finished speaking
3. It is now your turn, take the 5 minutes to express yourself about how you feel and remind them gently of no interruptions
4. Discuss the situation without escalating those feelings with the remaining 5 minutes and talk about possible ways forward
5. Try to keep it positive whilst still focusing on resolving the conflict. The key is to keep it at 5 minutes each so you are both focused on ways forward without going around in circles and explaining over and over until you feel frustrated.
How did it work for those of you who have tried this technique or similar? Please share if you have decided to try it after reading this and if it helped.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Regarding your suggestion, my comments are below:
A technique that can be used is the 5-5-5 method.
1.. Let your friend or partner know that you are going to each take 5 minutes to talk about the problem you are faced with.
- I usually ask to talk first if I'm the one with the complaint.
2. Give them 5 minutes to talk, no interruptions until they've finished speaking
- I talk a lot so this step is very important for me to prevent me from saying anything.
3. It is now your turn, take the 5 minutes to express yourself about how you feel and remind them gently of no interruptions
4. Discuss the situation without escalating those feelings with the remaining 5 minutes and talk about possible ways forward
- I find it helps the most if I am as non-confrontational as possible and as polite as possible.
5. Try to keep it positive whilst still focusing on resolving the conflict. The key is to keep it at 5 minutes each so you are both focused on ways forward without going around in circles and explaining over and over until you feel frustrated.
How did it work for those of you who have tried this technique or similar?
Please share if you have decided to try it after reading this and if it helped.
- I've used something very similar in the past as I noted above.
It helped, especially with certain extreme people and certain extreme situations.
Of course, conflict resolution can be tricky,
so other techniques can also be needed.
@7motivation
What amazing feedback that will really help others learn how to use this tool! Thank you for spending the time to share :) Please add any tools/techniques to the form that you've also found useful in navigating conflict in relationships.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Thank you.
An advanced general technique is to consider personality types:
- For example, one could become aware of their own MBTI* type
- Then become aware of one's own conflict-related tendencies
- Then be sure to avoid unhelpful tendencies in conflict
Likewise, one could learn to consider the other person's MBTI personality type and their special needs in a conflict.
I think people typically do the above if they already know the person's personality, like with family members.
- They focus on certain things to help resolve the conflict
- And they avoid certain things to prevent conflict escalation
* MBTI is Myers-Briggs Type Indicator
@7motivation
This is brilliant and a nice way to include the MBTI which tells us so much about our personalities too.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS
Regarding your request to me:
- Please add any tools/techniques to the form that you've also found useful in navigating conflict in relationships.
Here is an amazing tool I always use
in any conflict situation:
- I spot when people are taking on any of the three
The Drama Triangle roles:
Bully/Meanie, Victim, or Rescuer/Hero - I carefully avoid getting pulled into any of those roles
especially in a conflict situation - Instead I use alternative empowering roles
like The Empowerment Dynamic roles
People can quickly learn about
The Drama Triangle solutions here:
https://www.7cups.com/path/exercise/the-drama-triangle-1675267874/
- The video explains
The Karpman Drama Triangle problems and
The Empowerment Dynamic solutions.
-
It applies to conflict situations
where one person in the argument
is being a bully.
What I really like about this tool is
it's so simple and powerful and applicable.
- It can change how you behave immediately
once you simply see what is going on!
-
It's powerful because it's a growth-mindset tool
that gets people unstuck.
- It works in almost any conflict situation.
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS thank you for this post Lisa. Will check how patient we really are 👍🤣
@GoldenRuleJG
I really really hope it goes well for you. Like anything, it takes time :) but the first step you've made is often the hardest and you've done this today!! Great work :)
@LisaMeighanMScGMBPsS 👊🏽❤️
I tried that but he won't even listen or believe me when I'm telling him the truth about everything
@Gabbie0614
I am so sorry to hear this. Perhaps it might help you to focus on better understanding between you both of the issues that you’re facing and then making a commitment to try out the exercise when it feels right for you both.