The struggling turmoil of divorcing a narcissistic abuser.

Some back story. I met my partner 8 years ago. We lived long distance from each other. I was in California and he was in Arizona at the time. I have a sordid history of child abuse and bad dating experience so when he came into my life i was so blinded by the falsehood of security I thought he provided. After a month of dating he convinced me to quite my job, drop out of school, and leave my friends and family to move to Arizona and be with him. I had so many unresolved childhood traumas that I eagerly jumped at the opportunity to be with someone who for the first time in my life, wanted to take care of me. For the first time, I felt like I was loved. A few months later and we were married (a quick trip to California after same-sex marriage was legalized). The relationship was always hot and cold and sometimes verbally violent but I reasoned it to be passion. 8 years later and a child we adopted 3 years ago as a newborn as our daughter; and now I am drowning. Therapy has helped to recognize the abusive characteristics of the marriage. I've come to terms with my crippling depression and anxiety that's withered me into a shell of a human being. I want to divorce him. I want to leave and free myself but he's threatened to take full custody of our child. He's sketchy at best financially. I feel so lost. I cannot live without my child. And the idea of divorcing in the era of marriage equality feels like failure.

jeanso