Thoughts?
My “ex”, we broke up over a month ago. We didnt stop loving each other but she felt she needed some space alone to clear up her mental health and not be tied into a relationship. It was a healthy relationship overall but the toxic aspects of it: co-dependency for example, really kept us from staying together. So, through this time we’re working on all the things that sort of led us to breaking up. I have really bad anxiety as well and with covid that made it worse. It also kept me indoors for the last few years which lowered my confidence. I’ve been slowly working to regain that and begin my life again, finishing school and taking certification courses so I can become a UI designer, or something of the likes. My anxiety has made it hard for me to find a job or even get outdoors. But I’ve began to work on that. Going out more, trying to make some new friends, be involved with volunteer opportunities, overall just engaging in ways I didn’t before.
We’ve also still kept in contact, not daily or too often, and even when we do talk it’s not too much. Just a simple check in with each other. Though we do follow each other on ***. I’ve just been struggling, thought it was due to the co-dependency but really it’s because I just miss her. Of course it’s only been a month but I really have taken the time to find confidence in myself, still have a ways to go but I’m making progress!
I support the decision she made and honestly, as much as it’d hurt but if she felt we couldn’t be in each others lives. I’d do it if it meant nothing but pure, genuine happiness for her. Also think during this time I’ve found the space to begin supporting myself. Figuring out my purpose, the joys I have in life so I’m not so dependent on her company to satisfy my thirst for happiness. I’m in a good place overall but without her it all feels so….I don’t even know if there’s a right word or phrase for it. Because it isn’t empty or incomplete. The best way I could think to describe it is if you were eating your favorite food or listening to your favorite song. And it fills your heart and soul. But you want to share this with that one special person…and just can’t. You’re happy but you wish she was there to be able to experience the happiness with you.
I’ve felt we have been doing the right thing. But recently I’ve come to feel the opposite. Am I being unreasonable? In the end she still feels this is the right thing to do. And I’ll reiterate that I support it 100%. Regardless of how I feel, my emotions can’t dictate what is really needed. What does anyone think? And is it wrong for us to still be in contact with one another?
This is a long post so I appreciate anyone who reads this. Thank you
@dreamerboyvix
The fact that you are both working, individually, on the issues that caused you both to end or pause your relationship is Gold. It's a shame that most people fail to do that after they end a relationship, self-reflection is also good for the soul.
I'm not going to really address much about the anxiety, other than, it is highly likely that you can find ways to bring that under control and encourage you to find healthy coping strategies and reduction interventions that may help you to deal with the condition properly.
As for the co-dependence, must say, Co-Dependent No More is an excellent book. Something you may have already realized is that co-dependent behavior can drain even the best of relationships. Therefore, it's important to address the issue, because it will continue to cause you issues in any relationship that you chose to enter.
The fact that you've chosen to work on yourself, mend yourself, and find hobbies and interests - but doing the self-reflection work is stellar - so keep that going.
Will the both of you be able to rekindle things later? Maybe. It will likely strongly depend on the progress you each make individually on your issues, and how those play into your ability to sustain a healthy relationship, along with keeping one another aware of significant changes in your life, emotional well-being, and methods that are working well for you.
