Uneven Attention
So, if you've seen my posts before, you might know that my boyfriend is dating me plus one other woman. I don't know if this is the best spot to bring it up again or not.
However, I keep running into issues especially lately.
I have been emotionally and physically withdrawing from them, and I think he isn't very affected by it because he can just go to the other woman for comfort instead.
I think I have always been sort of a cuddly and physically affectionate person, but it can be hard to tell.
So, he is only getting colder with me and warmer with her from my POV.
She gets to be held and touched without giving more of herself. Her body. But me, I have learned that every physical interaction has a good chance of not being sweet and innocent, if you know what I mean.
He casually insults me when we are alone more often, too. He compares me to his toxic mother (I have a bit of a history with her) and he said recently that my arms are getting fat, but I am close to 100 lbs last I checked so I don't know how I'm getting fat. I am also confused how this happened because I don't eat very much, as I have almost no appetite most days. If I am toxic then it is not intentional. Sometimes I just say stupid things. I have always done this. My thoughts do not sound wrong to me until someone explains why it was wrong to say something.
I just feel so alone and it kind of hurts. I also don't have the energy to try as hard anymore. Part of the reason is that life has been difficult for the past few years so I am burning out, but another reason is because I don't want to keep fighting for his attention. But this lack of effort I'm putting out now gets redirected inward, which means I can make myself happier sometimes (and it makes me feel selfish), but it also means I am often saddened by the lack of love I feel in the relationship.
Before you ask, no I can't just leave out of the blue. No, I don't have a safe family to run to.
I have been with these people for a long time and I am very much emotionally attached even when it hurts. I am also very dependent on them, and I think I am becoming lazy as I grow older.
I guess this is mostly me venting again. I do that a lot.
What do you guys think of all this? Be honest.
@BusyBird
My opinion is i'm sorry you are having feelings of neglect.
I hope things improve because everybody deserves love and respect. You are a adult i guess so you always have to find the path you want in life..🌲
My advice might be very stupid bcos I can't relate to it
But what I can relate is giving everything and still getting nothing and being neglected hurts a lot
I have been there
This might be stupid but u either go for 3some or just break up
You're an adult I am assuming
You cant get a new place for yourself?
Lemme tell u for sure sticking in this type of relationship will make things more ugly
Just leave it
It hurts but you will heal I beleive
In long term you will be happy then both of them
@creepyengineer Literally said in my post that I can't. 🙃
I don't know anything about you so I should not say this and it might offend you
Why you can't leave?
Are u engaged or married?
Or you not independent and mature enough to live alone and leave him but can't accept it
Or it's really something else that you can't share here
Whatever it is
Ngl
DO NOT LISTEN TO YOUR HEART
Always
LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN when you're this vulnerable
@creepyengineer I am not independent and I believe I cannot support myself.
My brain is telling me to stay so I don't find myself in a worse situation. I am ALWAYS using my brain.
But... you probably judge me now.
Yes. You think I am just complaining. Or maybe you think I am being pathetic. Maybe you think I'm not trying hard enough.
Well, there is a reason I didn't want this to be the focus. I wanted to be validated. I need people to tell me if I am being reasonable or not when I say I have an issue.
I need to know if I am being ungrateful for what I have, or if my feelings are valid.
I don't need people telling me how to live my life. I don't need people telling me what to do when I never even asked for advice — which, by the way, I heard giving advice on 7Cups is not allowed. Maybe that only applies to the chatrooms. I don't know.
I just want to know if I am allowed to feel the way I feel...
Not be fear-mongered into making huge life-changing and risky decisions. Especially when people don't know me or my whole life story.
It just makes me feel worse...
@BusyBird
I am genuienly sorry
i didnt meant to hurt your feelings or put you down
i was just giving opinion and you can always ignore it
dont take it to your heart and again i m really very sorry that i replied in an inappropriate manner and hurtful way
i had no intentions
i hope you get what you want in life
This too shall pass...
this feeling will go in few time , just hang on tight and beleive in yourslef
@creepyengineer It's fine... It's a type of reply I get often. I'm sorry if I freaked out on you...
Ngl
I was not in correct and good state of mind myself when I saw your post so maybe I let my frustration on your story.
I hope things get better for you
Hang on tight
Trust the process
@creepyengineer I totally understand. It's tough because it can be hard to know when to speak and when to wait when it comes to places like 7Cups. I mean, the entire point is to have a safe space to talk about your feelings, but I noticed it's far from perfect and sometimes accidents just happen.
What matters is that nobody was mad in the end and everyone is still friendly ^-^
And thank you for understanding. Truly.
@BusyBird
If you cannot leave and tolerate his behavior it will only get worse.
You can value yourself. You can chose to ignore his insults. he is toxic to bother you do not let it show smile and do not give him the satisfaction.
Being lazy and accepting is the fastest path to misery... like yourself no love yourself enough to find a way to have small wins....
