Why is he such a jerk?
My husband is a jerk. He used to be a compassionate and friendly person. He cared about people. But that was years ago. Now he complains about everything, hates practically everyone and just acts like a jerk and a baby a lot of the time. Childish. And I'm sick of it. His attitude is putting a wedge between us and has already put a huge wedge between him and our son. It's like he says things and doesn't even think about how it affects anyone else. He's mocking and mean and just so miserable most of the time. He's just not pleasant to be around.
He wasn't like this. I miss the person I married.
@thoughtfulmomma It sounds like that his attitude has really changed since you first married him. It's sounds like that you have become miserable as well. I understand how it's really frustrating and discouraging being around a very negative and miserable person like that. It's effects the whole surrounding energy. And I am sure that you want to be happy. You miss the person that you first married and now you feel like that you are at a loss since he is no longer the person who he used to be. It's hard for you to accept this because you want your compassionate and loving spouse back.
@peacefulIris56
His perception of life and people has changed a lot. He is a terrible pessimist. You know how there are always people the point out everything that's wrong, or bad, or may go wrong? That's him now. He's so unhappy with his life that everything has become negative. The problem is, his life isn't bad. Well, I guess it's not bad from an outside perspective. Good job, good family, good health. We have a roof over our heads, have money in the bank and food in our fridge. And we're alive. And we have the opportunity to do things today.
I'm optimistic. I'm a happy person. A positive person. It's like he just can't - or refuses to see anything good. The world sucks, people suck, the job sucks, everyone else is wrong but him.
I'm frustrated by it, but honestly, I'm at a point where I just say " go ahead and be miserable. I'm not going to be. I want to live and love and laugh and have fun and keep trying to get better and be better." I guess I just don't understand why anyone would want to choose to spend the rest of their life being miserable.
@thoughtfulmomma I hear what you are saying. You see him as a very unhappy person. Alson you want to live life in an optimistic, loving and lite-hearted manner. I am glad that you have made that choice. It makes your life a lot easier.
@thoughtfulmomma,
I could be totally wrong but sounds like a depression to me. I recognize bit and pieces. I'm no professional though. Maybe some searching on Google might help to give you a better idea of what's going on. Good luck, to all of you.
I have some similar issues with my boyfriend of 10 years we just had our first child together 1 year ago and since then he is so great with our daughter but often neglects me. People evolve we both have changed a lot in the past 10 years but I too miss our loving relationship that we had in the beginning. We works a lot so I often excuse his behavior towards me but it’s not fair. I just started therapy for myself I figure I need to uplift myself (my daughter is the main motivation for me to get help) so I put my foot down I told him that I would move out with my daughter, I couldn’t take one more rude remark, or demeaning comment. I told him that I started therapy and that he should work on himself as well. Once he saw that I was seriously looking to move out, first he said he didn’t care and I should leave(his pride). But after a day he apologized for the way he had been treating me and we are really trying to “reset” it’s just so hard for both of us to not bring up past resentments but if he is willing to try than I want to try too for our daughters sake. We are rebuilding our friendship I don’t know if we will have any type of romantic relationship In the future because I don’t feel I can until we can reconnect emotionally. It’s a work in progress but I do love this jerk so I’m not ready to give up if he is willing to put in the work too
@impartialCamp9997 I'm glad to hear that you have made a decision to work things out with him. Hopefully, he works well with you so that you both can get along and that your daughter has pleasant experiences.
I know exactly what you mean. You can message me if you'd like since I am currently going through the same exact thing with my husband
@thoughtfulmomma
This sounds like depression, but functional depression. I haven't met him, nor talked to him - but, I did read all your messages below before I wrote this comment. It appears, based on how you describe it, that he's suffering in his mind as feeling inadequate or "not where he's convinced himself he should be". We are our WORST critics, and trust me when I say that all the negativity that is seeping out from him and all the harsh comments while projected at others and the situations he finds himself in -- inside his mind, it's ten times worse because he's judging himself, his own worst enemy and critic. He's failed to forgive himself, lost his own compassion, and from the sounds of things is so consumed by those thoughts that it's hard for him to find joy in anything around him anymore. It's impacting his relationships, with his wife, son, and likely others.
I'm going to guess he's around 40.
I've seen interventions work in these cases, but they must be done in a way where he is not going to become defensive or accusatory, casting blame. He should realize just how much his attitude has impacted others in his life, and where all of this potentially can lead and that no one wants to give up on him, but it cannot continue this way and maintain healthy behaviors and attitudes. He certainly could use a MALE therapist, to get some of that garbage out of his mind, hopefully, talk through some things, and get sorted. If he's unwilling to do that, the options start to become fairly limited because there isn't a lot that people around him can do other than coaching and bringing awareness to how his behavior harms you, your son and others. It might take a while before he's convinced he needs help with his inner thoughts and potential depression.
Also, keep in mind, depression is what it sounds like, but he would need to be diagnosed by a licensed and trained practitioner. If so, there are options and not all of them are medication.
It's a toxic situation and has not improved over time, if anything has gotten worse. Therefore, it's time to take action. You're not responsible for fixing him, but you're also not required to endure the pain and abusive attitude and mood swings.
