how do I know
we’ve been on and off for a while now, ups and downs and through it all it’s like I love him and hate him at the same time. (Not hate but.. just really upset) most of the time I was the one to break things off, apart of me just has always had this idea that love has to be perfect. not perfect but, I just always felt like when you were finally with the one you’d marry it would be and feel sort of magical.. like you know how it is In the movies when they first lock eyes. And then they get together and everything seems so perfect. But when it’s not anything like that I get stuck between whether I should work with this person through his insecurities or if these are all just signs telling me to keep running away cause he isn’t the one.
I wanna stay, but I don’t want to lose myself in him. Lose myself in trying to help him, I saw it happen before.. and honestly she never really fully recovered. For a long time I’m all that I’ve ever had. When there was no one I was the only one who kept myself from ending it all.. so I just can’t let that be ruined if this isn’t right.
I have my own things, my own flaws, my own insecurities and it seems like he’s willing to help me in them too but it’s just not like me to allow someone to help me with these things, I always felt like it was weak if you couldn’t do it on your own. So emotionally I just don’t rely on anyone..
what I’m trying to say is, how can I really know if this is worth it.. or if it’s just a “project” I see all these posts against a partner that’s a project and so I just get scared. it’s not like the movies, nothing like I imagined. I just don’t want to lose myself
@lovingCup504
Feelings can be complicated. There's no perfect love, but you're right, it has to feel right.
But let's define what is right? Some of the signs are one size fits all, like both feel comfortable, loved, accepted for who they are yet support to be better, respect each other's boundaries, etc.
But some signs of what is right can be personal.
Same as flaws, some are one size fits all like abusive. Some are tolerable, some are not.
And then, there is "attachment" which tend to make people stay or keep going back when they already know it's not the love they're looking for. Because the detachment process can be challenging.
What do you think?
