need advice
ey I’m new here but I have an situation that I’m not sure of,I met a guy on an dating website he was 8 years older than myself ,I’m 26 and he’s 34 .he messaged me and immediately stated he wanted to marry me and be with me within the first day so we within 4 days I broke
Things off with him because he was constantly insisting That we marry and have kids within 2 months .and he couldn’t respect that .so when I tried to dump him he stated he loved me and that kinda freaked me out because we just met 4 Days ago.how can you love someone that fast.so a couple weeks go by and reached back out to me this time he was apologetic and remorseful and said he was sorry he hasn’t been in a relationship in a while ,I gave him another chance .this time things were a little better but I noticed that he had an issue with me working 2 jobs and that I had an newer model car than his. at first he was sweet and planning
On buying an engagement ring and getting
An apartment then depending
On what i said he would change his mood .he stated that he didn’t have many friends because he’s not an peoples person and that he doesn’t like people looking
At him and that he’s crazy .,and the people who work with him are afraid
Of him because he’s crazy or they think he’s in a gang or illegal activity and i jokingly said well I’m not afraid of you and said I’ll make
You afraid of me.he didn’t like other dudes looking at me he didn’t want me to talk to other dudes when I was out ,he doesn’t have. An relationship with his mom ,so fast forward we finally met in person and shortly after the meeting he asked me when was I going
To start working out and exercise and that he would help me lose weight but if I tried to leave him once I lost weight he said he would get me fat again .so I felt
He was saying I was fat and I told
Him if he’s looking for a certain girl he can go find her and we stopped talking after that .each time we would stop talking he would inbox me
On the app so I blocked him and he made an new profile and the pattern continue .oh and prior to this incident he got mad because I wouldn’t call him daddy or baby consistently so we stopped talking again so the very last time was when for
Christmas wanted me to come over he had stated to where he wanted sex and he wanted to become intimate but i didn’t feel comfortable because I didn’t Know if he had any stds I asked him to take an test and he refused and so I told him I wouldn’t sleep with him so he didn’t talk to me for like a week and then he agreed to do it so for Christmas week he wanted to spend time with me in a hotel and. At this point we hadn’t even went on any dates .and we have been talking
On and off for 3 months .he still
Said he will not get an std tesr done at this point I stopped talking to him I didn’t text or call him anymore I told him I was finished .but I noticed the next day he was viewing my ig stories so I removed him and 3 weeks later I reactivated
The app and he views my profile but didn’t message me so I deleted the app
I’m just concerned would be become angry or obsessed and want to harm
Me .I don’t have any friends so I don’t
Have no one else to
Talk to any advice would do I’m sorry this is so long.also i haven’t spoken to him since then I haven’t texted or called him since Christmas week .And also during
The time we were speaking to each other and he would constantly say he loves me
All day and says he had strong feelings for me
And that he wanted to has kids with me and get me pregnant and marry me within a couple weeks and I believed him.I’m just concerned would he become obsessed with me and try to find me or something I don’t know maybe im overthinking
@Carlivamos1
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out'
I can tell right off the bat that this guy has tons of issues, mainly he is starving to get his unmet needs through you. He came on very very strong during the beginning stages when he dpesn't know you. It's just insane...he is desperate to marry someone, and it doesn't matter who it is. It's impossible for someone to fall in love in a couple of days, he was projecting a fantasy on you.
The moment you wanted to break thing off (You did the right thing here), it was when his past issues and mostly anxiety took over. I can tell he saying whatever you want to hear on order for you not to leave him, and he was mostly focus on how he felt rather than how all of this is making you feel.
A person who's not a "People's person" is a strong indication that they are incapable of attaching properly, trusting others, of being vulnerable and will put you through hot/cold behaviors. "That he's crazy...and people who work with him are afraid" is a red flag that can't be ignored, it's a good posibility that he could be hard to deal with or get along. He's very insecure when it comes to other guys looking at you, this will cause a lot of drama and he will go far as attempting to control you in any way so you wouldn't leave him. I assume you said "He doesn't have a relationship with his mom"?, this another red flag because he won't be able to trust or feel safe around any woman, and will often have a perception of "They will always hurt and abandon me".
"To start working out and exercise and that he would help me lose weight", he is trying to cause an insecurity to further control you, and is trying to mold you into his fantasy. The way he said "If you leave me then I would get you fat again", made me think that he doesn't want you with someone else after you leave him.
It's completely normal you feel afraid with his behavior, and it's understandable you fear for your safety. His behaviors are extreme, and I highly suggest staying away from someone like him.