Am I Cheating/Lying to myself?
Hi to anyone who's reading this.. I ask of your opinion on something that has been troubling since half an year or more.. I love a girl (at least if keeping someone at top of your priority list and wanting to do everything you can for them, Can't getting enough of their cuteness, etc. qualifies for loving someone) from around 2 years now.. i was attracted to her since around 5-6yrs ago.. crush at first sight kinda thing.. I even talk to her not quite often as i used to earlier but yes i do.. The thing that is troubling me is.. Every time i engage myself in self pleasure(m****bation) another girl comes in my mind (the only one that comes).. i know this girl too.. and it wasn't always this way..
I feel so ashamed of myself.. for some time now.. to not let such a thing happen, i desperately tried to imagine the girl i love while doing such an act for around a month then.. coz i felt at least in this way it will not be like i m attracted to someone else at the same time... But by the end of month i feel even more shameful of the act i did.. Ruining the pure bond i had with her in my mind..
I basically made my lover a victim of my sexual appetite in my mind for a month.. Just bcz i am a lowly fellow who is attracted to some other girl while he loves someone wlse.. i even deleted all her photographs I had so as to not let such a thing happen again. I know it was not the root of the sin coz even when i hv deleted them all all of em are still so clear in my mind..
I try to control my sexual thoughts as much as i can.. I know and must admit that imagining her during self pleasure without her consent (which i most likely can't as we are not in a relationship) I can't watch myself in the mirror eye to eye..
I feel so ashamed..
I just wish to know if anyone of you has been through a similar situation.. and what did you do to overcome these negative thoughts as well as the situation?
Even if anyone of you can read it all and let me know.. I will feel a little better..that at least i have admitted my sins to someone.
Thank You
I do not think you are cheating in any form... and I think it is quite normal for someone to picture someone else during a self pleasure moment......
If you feel better that you got that off your mind many people understand what you are going through.
Thank you so Much for understanding.. + Thanks a million times for clarifying that it's normal and not cheating.. you have no idea how much it means to me now
Well, for one thing you said you're not in a relationship so... it's certainly not cheating.
I can understand not feeling comfortable thinking about her during self pleasuring without her consent. But you're free to be attracted to anyone.
Have you considered asking her out? Maybe she feels the same and you may not need to imagine being with her.
You are not cheating yourself nor anyone! Just bcoz you think of someone else or see something while pleasuring yourself doesn’t mean you are with that person right!? Unless you feel for them it’s a different story!
Many women watch lesbian porn but doesn’t mean they are into it! It’s just a fantasy or its just a thought
don’t worry! And don’t get anxious! You are doing just fine