Different sex drives
I recently got into a fairly serious relationship (about 4 months ago) after sleeping my way around a bunch. I’ve been friends with my current partner for about a year now, and they have known all about my “escapades”. When we got into this relationship I made sure to ask if they were asexual or anything, because I have a pretty high sex drive and sex is very important to me in relationships. They told me that they were definitely not asexual and were very interested in that aspect of a relationship with me.
Fast forward to recently, it’s been about 6 weeks since we’ve had sex. I’ve brought it up, and their explanation was that they have a low sex drive. A recent quote from them was “yeah sex is okay I guess”, making me think they might be a bit asexual after all. I know that they use toys on themselves every once in a while though, they seem to just not want to be with me.
Our relationship is pretty great in every other aspect, and they make sure to assure me that they care about me and find me attractive, but I am having an extremely hard time believing them. If they really found me attractive wouldn’t they want to be with me? This has only added on to my serious self confidence issues, and has made me reevaluate the relationship.
please help, any advice is welcome!
@conscientiousMelon1443
I think you were very upfront and they knew your drive....... while they seemed Ready to get into a relationship...... they should have been upfront about their low drive... or did they say that to avoid it
If they have solo sessions and seem good with that ...........I can totally see how that would be a blow to your self confidence and maybe not feeling attractive to them .........
Have you had...... the discussion..... about is it consistently working for both people?
do you need to change things about styles?
Sometimes it is hard to be super honest and people do not want to be upfront instead they say what they think you want to hear......
Maybe they are not a fan of a move or routine ....... but do not speak up .... i played along with spouse for years and finally said ...
"That does not work NEVER has and i just refuse that again "
it totally hit him like a brick because.....
A. it worked for him really well
B. i let it build up to where i was just laying it out all the things i HATED about his moves..........
i was wrong to pretend i liked it to the point i blew up and told the truth after avoiding it for so long ....... pretty much killed any thing we had ...........as he seldom can even try for other reasons but is so worried he will do something i hate it ruins any attempt.
@conscientiousMelon1443. she or he maybe needs to try to get their hormones checked or maybe they have some ort of a low drive then you do Good luck keep us updated if you want i mean.
well if they are a bit ace and they're using toys tecnically some ace people do that but not really people yknow? I don't think it's a you problem or even a problem, but sounds like it should work out for you two
I’m here venting about the same problem. My partner has a low drive and I have a very high drive. I would have thought he was asexual until I realized he was taking care of him self very often. Even after I offer to take care of it for him and he refuses. I know all about the self confidence issues that come with this situation. I’m reevaluating, too.
@Melancholicupcake
perhaps with your higher drive and his low he has performance anxiety that he is not pleasing you ..... people do not have that when they are taking care of business themselves.....
Maybe there's something going on with your partner? Like added stress? Illonness? Or maybe your partner doesn't feel heard? I could easily do it 2-3 times a day. But when my emotional needs aren't being met, I can go months in between. I think a good honest talk where both of you try to understand the other might be your best option. Best of luck!
