I feel like a freak
I've never told anyone this.
I feel like a freak because of my strange fetishes. I feel like no one in my life actually knows who I am, and if they did they would be ashamed of me.
Okay, here it is.
I like to masturbate while I'm on the phone with women I don't know. To be clear, I'm not talking about phonesex. I just enjoy doing it while the person on the other end of the line has no idea what I'm doing. It could be anyone, so long as it's someone I don't know personally. Our conversations are normal, no one has ever known.
Wow. Typing that out makes me feel like a complete freak.
But the truth is, I'm not actually ashamed of the thing itself. It's more like I'm just ashamed of getting caught.
I don't know how to explain it. Or why I'm even posting here.
I just wanted to say it 'out loud' I guess.
I just wanted someone to hopefully tell me I'm not a freak.
I cant believe it was over 4 years ago that I first posted this. This thread and this site was the start of a turning point for me, so I thought it would be good to come back and update this. I dont know who really cares, but if it helped me in some way then maybe it will help someone else.
The replies to this thread made me realize that whether or not Im a freak is not really the issue. I am who I am, and I think Im okay with that now. I dont feel shame about it now. But one thing that I made to realize in the past few years was that I dont have the right to expose anyone else to my kinks without their consent, even if it is done without their knowledge. And that makes sense. I havent done that in years now, which feels good to say (and I feel terrible about the times that I did, even if no one knew).
What I did do was found a person who happens to enjoy my particular kink. She likes it when I call her and she knows exactly why I am calling. It has worked out quite well (for a while).
Unfortunately shes not always around or able to answer the phone, obviously. Im a little worried that if I cant find more people like her that I may wind up going back to my old ways. But now that Ive been made to realize the importance of informed consent, I dont think I could bring myself to do that. But the struggle is definitely there.
TLDR Version: Im okay with who I am. I am looking for women who might be interested in my particular fetish. I still struggle, but that is life.
[ edited by forum member project lead @windflowers for sharing off-site contact ]
@n82 hunny you aren't a freak, everyone has their own things they like to do, and honestly, I get it. Like, the have no idea what's going on and it's amusing. You're not a freak and don't ever let yourself or anyone else say that to you. I get it, sexual "fetishes" are deemed as taboo right now, but it's okay. Don't be ashamed of what you liked to do, habits only start to become a problem when they harm you or other either emotionally, mentally, or physically. Love you!
Thank you, @Ella00
I appreciate that.
I do think that involving unsuspecting women is harmful both emotionally and psychologically (to me, at a minimum, and potentially to them if/when they discover it). Its not healthy and it's not right to include people without their knowledge and I get that now. So I'm focused on only engaging in this behavior with women who have consented to it. The difficulty, obviously, is in finding women who would invite this sort of thing into their lives. But I think so long as I can do that then the feelings of 'wrongness' will dissipate.
Thanks for the kind words.
@n82 hello there! i'm really sorry but just letting you know that i edited a couple of your posts for off-site contact information since that's not allowed here on 7cups <3 hope you understand!
I'm so sorry, I didn't realize. I appreciate your approach and attention on that. Please know I meant no harm, thanks so much.
