Insecurities
Maybe this is me thinking too much about this issue, but I kind of want to get some sort of closure, and perhaps some more information from more experiened people.
So I've only really had sex twice so far. The first time it was extremely painful and I had a hard time relaxing, although as it went on it began to get a little less painful. The second time was only slightly painful, or at least the pain was bearable. I know that it's kind of normal to exerience this, but I thought that after the second time I would be okay and it wouldn't really hurt at all.
However, I just recently did a pap smear and it was also very uncomfortable and hurt a little even though I've been told that it's not supposed to hurt, maybe feel ticklish or scratchy. The nurse told me it was because I kept tensing up the vaginal muscle but like...I felt like I had no control of that? She told me to relax and I tried to, and I guess once I consciously tried to it began to feel not as bad, but still...how do you tell your muscles not to tense up?
I'm suddenly beginning to feel very insecure about this for some reason. I thought that it might have to do with me having an anxiety disorder or something, or finding it hard sometimes to relax under stressful, nervous situations. The nurse seemed to think it wasn't anything for concern and told me sometimes it takes a bit for the muscles to know how to relax. But I can't help but feel that something is wrong? LIke what if I have a defect or something? I heard that there are people who naturally cannot relax their muscles. Or could it just be that I haven't had sex enough to tell?
Thanks for reading and I hope that I might get some answers. :)
@mimameid
Don't feel insecure, it's totally normal. It seems you're subconsciously tightening up; there's a part of you that isn't totally comfortable.
Maybe invest more time in foreplay to make sure you're ready physically next time you have sex.
It can also take time for your hymen to be totally removed, which can cause it to feel painful a few time safter your first time. Don't worry too much, it won't always be painful. :)
@mimameid - I would reiterate what both people said already. It's perfectly natural to be a little uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations, like the first couple times you have sex or when getting a pap smear, and tensing up is your body's natural reaction. With time, as these things are more familiar and you are feeling more comfortable, that tension and the associated pain should go away. It can also help to have open conversations with your partner about how you're feeling and to take things slowly, with enough foreplay to ensure that you're feeling ready - that's something that has made a really big difference for me, and I definitely had similar discomfort initially.
If pain does continue, even when you're feeling more comfortable, it's worth talking to your gyno about as there can be other things going on, but it really does sound like this is most likely your body reacting to an unfamiliar and uncomfortable situation. And for what it's worth, pap smears are never fun - they shouldn't hurt a ton, but they are a pretty uncomfortable feeling regardless, I think.
If you want to talk through it (or about anything else), you can feel free to message me anytime. I know it can be really scary to feel like there might be something wrong and it's not always easy to open up about, so I'm really proud of you for posting here. <3
Hi, not sure your age. But you seem young. I just wanted to post and let you know that you are normal. Theses experiences are new to you. Don't think too hard like somethings wrong with you. I still dont like pap exam I'm 41....relax as if your using the bathroom sort of with out letting anything out. You really dont need to be having a pap exam unless your more active sexually or your in your 30s. At least for cancer screenings.
Hi it's me again...the sex thing is normal as well. It took me months to not have pain when I first started having sex. You should wait til you are in a relationship with someone that can be caring and take care in getting you thru this time. Like the other person said more forplay will help you relax and All that good stuff. No rush, you have your whole life for all that
I had that experience too when I did a pap smear, tough I had never had sex at all, she told me to relax and even got annoyed, I seriously wanted to throw her out the window! Now I know that it could be due to vaginimus PLUS I also had a to dry skin down there so it hurted even more and I started to bleed easily, they are horribly inconsiderable despite working with vajayjays and should know all problems.