Lack of Breasts
hello everyone. My name is Ramatulai and I'm 15. Now I know everyone here will probably say your young, there is no need to worry. At 15 I am 5'5 and I'm pretty skinny you can say. I got my period when I was 10, and I remember thinking, "yes boobs will come". But 5 years later I am still the same size as when I had started puberty. I'm not even an A cup, and all my friends who I complain to about lack of breasts day, they're not important or guys don't care or you're just a late bloomer. Of course they can say that because they ate all A cups and bigger. I dont this anyone else had an idea of how much this annoys me. I cant wear anything without thinking m my breasts are small. I'm not asking for C cups, an A cup would be nice. Literally every girl in my school has bigger boobs than me and I am.not lying or exaggerating. I'm not sure if there was a reason why I have small boobs. I do remember when I was 12 I stopped eating a lot because my mom made me feel overweight. I still don't eat all that often. If anyone has advice I appreciate it. Thank you
I'm posting here cuz commenting on that same post was getting kind of hairy.
I don't mean to scare you, but having your period every 2 weeks is abnormal. It's "normal" if say..you got your period recently, like a year or two ago..because you're settling into your cycle so to speak. But since in your post you said you got it 5 years ago...you could be anemic or something could be going on with your hormones. I'm no doctor though. Here's a link with potential reasons this could be happening, but I do recommend getting checked out.
https://www.empowher.com/menstrual-cycle/content/reasons-having-period-every-two-weeks
@WickedGrim I hope you don't believe that everyone who is that size is anemic.
Please ignore Alystem. I don't know what her problem is, but this isn't about her, this is about you.
I do fret that your periods are coming every two weeks. That's an indicator of something up, which could also be linked to your other development.
@WickedGrim I did go to the doctors and she said that birth control can help regulate it, and she also told me that my body is still developing and I shouldn't be concerned because there is a chance that i may get a regular cycle. My mother also told me that she used to get her period every two weeks and over time gained the regular cycle and had me and my little sister.
Phew, okay! That's a huge relief. You were in my thoughts for a good portion of the day. If it's family history, then that's a good sign. Thanks for telling me!
Thus, in that regard. I've got a feeling you're gonna make it out alright. :)
@WickedGrim Thank you!!!!:)
I hate my small breasts even more. My mom questioned why they were so small looked into my shirt and walked away. That hurt a lot :(
Ouch. Yeah, a doctor did that to me too. She said to me "oh. They're fine sweetie!" And I saw her scribble down "horridly underdeveloped" on the Clipboard. That stung. But from your mom? Ouch ouch ouch. *bear hug*
the natural response is to tell you that it's your body, you're the one that needs to love it, it doesn't matter what anyone thinks!
..but I also acknowledge that mothers know just how to push our buttons. I'm sorry that happened. :(
@WickedGrim she does that a lot so it's like whatever but it hurts since she's my mom
Exactly. They know just what to say to get to you..but I feel like rather than focus on that, look at the positive affirmations and testimonials you've got out of the lovely ladies on this thread who know your struggles. The ones who've struggled and overcome to be in a healthier place.
@WickedGrim Yeah, and throw away the ones who were too weak to overcome the 98% of the world...
You mean like you?
Because I've found that the main way to get a healthy self image isn't to surround yourself with those suffering victim complexes. I urge everyone who may read this to take what Alystem says with a grain of salt. ^^; she's quite jaded. Not saying I know everything, but definitely watch out.
@WickedGrim Lalala throw me away, yup because nobody likes sad people, those are sooooo gross, arent they, Wicked? They're so dumb and unfixable, right Wicked? You sure live up to your name.
@Alystem
I never said a word of that, but if you feel that way about yourself, that's pretty awful. Do you want to talk about it? :(
@WickedGrim Looks like you already did the talking for me.
sorry your mom's like that, that's so rude.
Sorry to hear you suffer from that self-consciousness. I am barely an A cup, and I'm 18, so they're as big as they're going to get for me. Some of us do just naturally have small cup sizes. Small or large, they are all beautiful in their own way. To be honest, I love having small breasts. I consider them a unique gift, and I hope someday you do too.
@ss011 But how do you see cleavage and not feel sad? How do you live with feeling like you're missing an essential body part? How do you not feel like you're lesser, invisible, or a freak of nature?
@Alystem I totally know how you feel. It's like your the abnormal one and people try and say boobs don't matter but then they go and say things like "I love my boobs" : /
@DaughterofHades Yeah, and they show them off with the way they dress and everything, and they are the ones who get all the compliments and stuff. It's not like you can just hide from that, ya know? :(
@ss011 how do you see it as a gift. I was teased in middle school by female classmates for having "no boobs". My mom questioned if I had boobs. My aunt said "your boobs are so small you don't need bras" when I was changing. When I was on a bus with a friend I said I run like a champion and she said "you don't have boobs stopping you." Everyone is out to get me. It makes me want to cry and isolate myself from everyone
I have tried to be okay with them but someone just has to make a comment about them. In middle school I was teased for having "no boobs" I think everyone is out to get me
@DaughterofHades
I had people making fun of my lack of breasts as well. I am sorry to hear someone else is struggling with this. It's hard to hear them laughing and not feeling hurt. Just smile and walk away. You can make yourself feel pretty without them.
It is an essential body part but it is not essential for them to be big. So if you wish, scroll up and see some of the links I posted above about how to wear pretty clothes and feel pretty even with your small breasts.
In time you will realise that having breasts isn't as important as having inside value. Keep your head up girl, I'm sure you are great no matter the size of your boobies!
Ramatulai, I am choosing now to relate to you on a personal level, because I can completely understand your struggle. I have muscular dystrophy that affects one side of my body more than the other, and I also developed sever scoliosis when I was 10, which had to be corrected with extensive surgery. Because of my muscle weakness on my right side, and the way my ribs shifted with the scoliosis, the right side of my chest caved inward. So, not only did I have small chest growing up, but I was asymmetrical, which made it really difficult to find any bras that would fit my distorted frame. I remember watching the other girls undress in the dressing room before gym class, envious of their bodies. I was humiliated and never wanted anyone to know, so I stuffed the one side of my bra with whatever might fill it out, and undressed out of view of the other girls. Then one day the stuffing fell out in gym class and my own friends drew caricatures of the incident, passing the pictures around the class. Middle school/junior high can be tough if you dont fit in or look like everyone else.
I didnt start dating until I was in university. By that age, many people have matured, and many have had at least some hardships in their life from which they've learned empathy and acceptance for the struggles that others face. Plus, in university you meet people from various age ranges and backgrounds, so you can be more selective as to who is a part of your social circle. Or maybe you dont go to university, but you work different jobs or travel to new countries, and your perspective and values evolve to become more accepting of lifes nuances and imperfections. Hopefully youll meet people with similar interests as you, and romantic partners who are attracted to your heart and mind, and who consider you to be beautiful because of the things you think and do, not simply because of how you look. Honestly, once I started dating, the men I let into my life never saw or cared about the parts of me I considered to be flawed. They accepted me for me; they loved me for me. And there is security in knowing that it is not your body that keeps their romantic interest but your mind, because while breasts are breasts and butts are butts, no one quite has your experiences or thoughts or perspectives: if others like you for you, then they will stay with you for you, regardless of how your body changes over time. And it wasnt long after I started dating that I got married to a man who is loyal and interesting and smart and who thinks that I am the most beautiful woman in the world. So, even though you might not like this particular part of your body, it doesnt mean that you (or your body) are unlovable to someone else. You are still young and you still have so much time to meet people who will love you just as you are.
@adamabinta I don't see those happy stories come true in real life though. No one's ever wanted to date me). I just see guys talking about who's the hottest. And monogamy seems to be fading into the past. And even at that age...where all you do is sit in class and not talk to anyone...it's like, you gotta have it together as a teenager or you're out...idk. I wish there was more solid proof we could trust in...
@Alystem
A boy whose only criteria for a sexual relationship is that his partner be "hot" is a boy who lacks depth of character and is likely very uninteresting. Men who desire a woman capable of intellectual stimulation, who value loyalty and integrity over physical beauty, might be a rare breed, but they exist and they are worth waiting for (because they, too, will be interesting and a source of comfort, love, and security). My story is an example of a happy ending, so these endings can and do exist. And while I was searching for the right man to spend my life with, I focused on getting an education, volunteering, learning to play the drums and piano, etc. I focused on cultivating new interests, skills, and experiences to better myself as a friend, a daughter, a counselor, and someday a wife. I learned to find beauty in all circumstances and all people, and I learned to carry that beauty inside of myself. I learned to feel beautiful apart from the expectations of others, and when I met my future husband, he saw the beauty in my character and knew within the first week of meeting me that he would someday marry me. Each one of us is capable of offering so much more to this world than our bodies, and there are people in this world who will see what we have to offer and value those gifts. Everyone's body will age and change over time, but your character remains uniquely yours. If you work towards cultivating inner beauty, then you will always be beautiful, and that beauty (e.g., strength, optimism, compassion, grace, love, etc.) will draw other people of high character to you, both in friendship and in romantic love.
@adamabinta Maybe...but it's hard to even have a conversation with anyone, even friends, at least for me, I've always been invisible and as you get older it's harder to find ways to connect with real people in such a busy, competitive world...
@adamabinta I appreciate what you have told me, especially telling me something very personal. I do try and wake up every morning and think to myself that I am beautiful, but the moment i walk out th door it goes out the window. I hate going to school or taking walks because every where I go I'm surrounded by boobs. My own mother is a 36D. All my friends have bigger breasts than I do. I'm the abnormal one in the family. I'm tall for my age, lack breasts, have interests that none of my cousins have and a whole lot more. Even friends tease me for having "no boobs." I have limited options when it comes to clothing. My mom compares me to my cousin who has B cup boobs even though she got her period later than me and I spent an entire month with her during the summer which I regret because it reminded me how I had so many flaws and she had none. She wore crop tops and all these nice stuff and I was in pants or tights with a tee that made me feel like a guy. When I hung out with her , and her friends they all had big boobs and we're wearing crop tops, and I was dressed in a pink Avengers tee and skinny jeans and converse. I get angry with my friends who say boobs aren't anything but will then flaunt them. I hate going to beaches and pools because I have a small bust and because my ribs are noticeable due to me starving myself since I was 12. I don think anyone understands that this hurts so much that I just want nothing to do with people and I want to cry, but I don't because it's a stupid reason to fuss over
@DaughterofHades
Believe me, there are many people who can and do understand the depth of pain you experience, and no matter what others in your life might say, your feelings and experiences are valid. I know that there is little anyone could say right now that would take this pain away from you, because you are in the trenches facing these harsh comments and isolation every day. No magic word or phrase will completely heal your suffering, but time and perspective can. And just so you might feel a bit more connected to someone out there who has struggled immensely with body-image, who was always different from her family and peers, and who has had her differences pointed out every day for years, I will include a link to my full story: https://www.theminicoreproject.co.uk/the-plans-he-has-for-me-sarah-s-story.html
And I know I'm not the only one out here who can relate to your struggles. But as someone who is on the other side with her hard-earned happiness and self-confidence, I promise that it can get better.
@DaughterofHades I understand how much it hurts, and how impossible it is to avoid it...
@Alystem
Nothing's impossible, just go on up and read what @adamabinta said. :)
@WickedGrim I meant that it's impossible to avoid the triggers..
I do try and say its boobs who cares.I didn't even care about them until this summer when I had to try on some African clothes, because I'm African, for a religious ceremony. Then my mom goes and says "This is hard because you have no boobs." Later that night when I was changing my clothes to go to bed I looked at my breasts and I finally realized that they really were small and I don't know how to wear clothes and feel pretty but I don't because nothing looks nice on my body
@DaughterofHades :( I know how condemming it feels. When even bra stores don't acknowledge your existence...how you gotta fill a certain size in order to be considered a "real woman" vs a 12 year old... :( Our size was only loved in the 20s... : P
small breasts were worshiped during the roaring twenties with the whole flapper girl movement. Now it's all about big boobs are beautiful and small boobs are ugly. People say look at models they have small boobs. The average person DOES NOT look like a damn model. Like o said before I cant wear any crop tops or nice clothes with the size and shape of my breasts. Why does the world hate me
everyday I find something I hate about myself
@DaughterofHades The thing about "look at fashion models, they are small" is that yes they are smaller because they are treated as walking mannequins...they want people looking at the clothes, not at their bodies... :(
@Alystem
You will always find superficial people. The thing is to avoid defining your life by their principles, and look for those who want to know the person who is behind the clothes.
@cristiana33 Um, everyone is superficial, this isn't kindergarten anymore where we be nice to everyone and share and include everyone in the fun and games. In the real world it is harsh competition driven by the industry and hormones and sex...and we are losing for sure. But how to not lose, somehow? That is the question...
@DaughterofHades We need to bring back the 20s. Like other decades were brought back... :/
I feel like a guy with the lack of breasts. Sure when I was 10 I wanted to be a guy, cause I hung out with a lot of guys, but I hate feeling masculine. I want to feel feminine because I am a girl but how am I supposed to do that when the one things that shows you are a femalel is barely noticeable
@DaughterofHades
What makes you feel masculine vs feminine? Is it because people tell you that you are not feminine without big breasts?
Small bras can be found online. It's a bit harder to purchase them but it's not impossible. :)
@cristiana33 Um, they are way too expensive.
@Alystem
You can try ebay and check the 'free shipping' option.
It's a lot easier to find obstacles to a problem you are having instead of actually try to find a solution. Once you'll decide to try a bit more, you'll be able to improve your perspective.
@cristiana33 I would have much better luck making my own, which I'm about to be driven to at this point... :/
@Alystem
Haha that's indeed an interesting thing to start doing for yourself!
Don't get me wrong... I understand very well your struggles as I am "suffering" of this as well. I've been dealing with a lot of weird looks my whole life until I just decided I actually like my body and how I can combine my clothes. :)
@DaughterofHades I understand that feeling. I think I cursed myself because when I was like 13 I didn't really want them. "Be careful what you wish for" :( Also, mine are more manboob shaped so I hate it that much more.
if I were to take my earrings off, cut my hair super short and wear clothing of a guy you would think I'm a guy. Everyone points out my small breasts. How am I supposed to feel feminine when i don't have any boobs. What clothing is out there that is meant for a barely A cup female that i can rock. I dont know any and ill probably never be able to wear one and ill feel like a guy for the rest of my life
@DaughterofHades
Im sorry you feel so discouraged dear. Have you checked the links I posted above? Are any of those tips helping you figure out a way of feeling better?
@cristiana33
I know I can never rock them and ill look like an idiot. I probably can't afford it to but I don't know. All I know is that I will always never feel feminine
The 20's made it work... we have to start a movement lol, ya know. make us look good again...but I just feel like people's impulses will always guide them to worship biguns. But hey, they manipulate us to feel bad about our bodies, so maybe we manipulate them back? Idk. I just hate being the scum of the earth...
This may be odd, however I thought I might help with anyone's insecurities on this matter. If I had a significant other, I certainly wouldn't mind it if a lack of breasts was relevant. So, my point is it all comes down to perception, hell some people might even enjoy it.
Don't let it get you down too much, it's all about perception, you can't please everyone, and attempting to do so only causes depression etc.
@InnocenceKuchiki But it's still a flaw that has to be overlooked, isn't it? That's the thing. Like 90% of other women get to enjoy their normal sized, expected body parts to be loved, but with us here it sucks because it's somehow not something that can be loved....and it"s so essential to being an adult female... :(
Yes I understand dear, I'm simply saying that you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. I would love to have big breasts as well don't get me wrong, but don't think for a second that one may not love you just because you don't have breasts.
When someone loves someone, they love them, period.
@InnocenceKuchiki I don't really even believe in that fairy tale kind of love. Because i look around and all I see is cheating, failed marriages, porn addictions, etc. ESPECIALLY in the younger generations... People say love is an unstoppable force but I disagree. Natural animal instincts are stronger than "love"...
Well I can only speak for myself in that aspect, I am nothing close to this generation of filth.
@Alystem
I am truly perplexed how small breasts keep being referred to as a flaw. Any body part that is natural and healthy is not a flaw. I grew up in a family that didn't have a lot of freckles or moles, so I was a little taken aback when I met my husband, who is of German descent and so his face and body naturally have these markings. Once I adapted to the difference, I grew to love his freckles and moles. They are part of the unique landscape that is his body, and I wouldn't change a thing about them. Or when we first got together, he wore a lot of oversized shirts, and ripped T-shirts and jeans, which seemed to me unkempt compared to the dressing standards I was used to in my family. Now, when I look at our wedding photos with him in a tuxedo, I kind of wish he wore a T-shirt and jeans to our wedding because THAT is the man I married. Our wedding photos don't look like him, nor do they reflect his laid back character. What was different to me early in our relationship wasn't necessarily wrong, it was just different. I think the same can be said for any body part or trait. When we are exposed to something we aren't used to, we might be quick to call it a flaw, but more often than not it is simply new and equally as deserving of acceptance, respect, and love. Small breasts are very much the same. A guy who truly cares for you won't care about your bust size. A quick Internet search even reveals men who openly admit they prefer small breasts: https://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090606114222AAzjMok&page=1
And here is a good site where different women share their pictures and experiences of having small breasts: https://www.007b.com/small_breasts.php
Just like any other trait, some women love their petite busts and others wish they could change them. But are small breasts objectively flawed? Not even a little.
@adamabinta
The thing is though, when people whether it be classmates, friends or even family members point out a certain flaw of yours it makes you feel like it's a flaw and something to frown upon. Like I wrote here today, my mother over the weekend asked, "Weren't your breasts bigger." I said "no they've always been smal." Then she looked into my shirt and since I wasn't wearing a bra she could clearly see my breasts, which i wasn't comfortable with and walked away. That's not the first time she did it. When trying on African clothes for a religious holiday, she said, I quote, "This is difficult because you have no boobs." My female classmates throughout middle school teased me for having "no boobs." At lunch once, they determined if your breasts were noticibale by drawing a line over it with your finger and they were like come on, do it. I knew I didn't have much so I said no and wanted to cry and die in a whole. My friend on the bus two weeks ago said something about my breasts. I said I run like a champion and she said, I quote, "You don't have boobs stopping you." and when i was changing once, my aunt was in the room and said, "your boobs are so small, you don't need to wear a bra." By reading this you can see that I've always been teased for it and it makes it seem like it's supossed to be frowned upon. Everyone is out to get me. Guys most of the time care about a girl's bust size, boys 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20. And it only gets worse with this generation that I was sadly born into. I'd rather live in the 1920's when this flaw was not frowned upon. I can't wear normal bras, I can't wear anything nice period, because I don't have nice clothes. All of this makes me want to punch walls and sob and never want to go outside and just lock myself in my house.
@adamabinta Guys can get away with more. They can be messy, fat, and awkward and still be loved. But not girls, it seems.
Also, people lie on the internet, specifically when asked a question. I've never seen a guy say, unprovoked, that he loves flat women. All you see is hordes of "I'd motorboat that" and stuff...and I get it, I mean, how can a lack of something be attractive? Especially something so essential?
@Alystem
A guy gets away with as much as you let him get away. If someone with an interest in you has a questionable character or unsatisfactory appearance, you would not have to lower your standards/expectations to be with him simply because "guys get away with more". Relationships are constant negotiations; if you really like someone and they like you, then you find compromises to best meet each other's needs. Appropriate compromises might mean slight changes in appearance (even though my husband doesn't wear dress clothes, or shave much, he'll keep sideburns for me because he knows I like them). My compromise is that I hardly wear make-up anymore, because he prefers me naturally. It's give and take, and you shouldn't be with someone you are not at least on some level attracted to. So, forget the world's standards for men and women. The parts of you that you do like, you can emphasize and be confident about; what you'd someday like in a partner, hold to at least some of those criteria. Reasonably good looking (by your standards, no one else's) is a fair criterion, while life has taught me to make integrity and honesty non-negotiables, as well as kindness/compassion for others when he gets nothing in return, loyalty, responsible, sense of humor... there are so many wonderful traits a person can have that add to their beauty and make them excellent life-partners. You get to decide what the non-negotiables are for you, and in the meantime, become the person you would choose to spend your life with. If I wanted to be married to someone who was interesting, then I should cultivate my owns interests and skills. If was I wanted to marry someone who could sustain thousands of intelligent conversations (a lifetime is a longtime to spend with someone) then I needed to get educated and read on various topics and try new things, so that I could bring just as much to the conversation. If I wanted to be with someone who cared deeply about others, then I had to show that same virtue. Honesty, integrity, grace, love, a willingness to learn and to be taught, adaptability, humor: character-wise, whatever I wanted in a life partner, I had to first become. And that way I could expect more, or lead by example, when the right man did come in my life. Turned out, when I met him he was doing the same things. Instead of dating, he traveled to other countries, got several educations, learned several languages, cultivated friendships and skills, etc. He was waiting for right woman, and you only need one. He actually waited 'til he was 25 before he made any kind of sexual or romantic commitment to a woman, because he wanted it to be right. And his criteria for a woman? Someone who was tinier than him (he's 6'5" and about 200 lb, but always felt small), sweet, cared more about others than herself, and a bookworm (I'm literally just thinking about our fist few conversations). No where on his list described butts or breasts; he just wanted a woman he could love, and who will love him, challenge him, and have adventures with him.
And as far as guys lying on the Internet? I actually met my husband on an Internet dating sight, and he never lied once in any of his correspondences. And the few other guys I dated in university, they honestly did not care about my appearance or small breasts. One young man even wrote poetry and music about his affection for me.
If you focus only on what you think is wrong with you, you will stagnate in your development as a complex and interesting human being. Everyone of us has at least 10 weaknesses that if we thought about them too much, we'd become overwhelmed and would never get out of bed. But the world will move on without us, and you'll miss your opportunities to learn and do amazing things, and to meet amazing people, and maybe even to meet that person who is spiritually and romantically right for you. Self-loathing is a consuming state of mind that will rob you of a lifetime of potentially amazing experiences. You have more power here than you realize.
@adamabinta Sure, that might be all fine and dandy, but I've had to close myself off from hoping because hope seems to only lead to disappointment...
In any case, how can you be sure that he is strong enough to defeat his hard-wired animal instincts? How can you be sure he's not hiding in a closet every night, ya know, watching porn or something to satisfy the hunger that you cannot? Or is it all about blind faith? And how can I be sure that anyone can overcome their animal instincts anyway? Especially the younger generations? How can I pick them out of a crowd if I do? Or do I have to be emotionally beaten and battered for years and years and end up nowhere?
idk...
@Alystem
Those are really good questions. I know how painful hope can be when life, particularly other people, keeps letting you down. I learned, though, when it comes to others that it is better to have preferences than hope or expectations. Id prefer that my friend keep her promise; Id prefer that my mom would listen when I try to tell her how I feel; Id prefer that a new boyfriend would stop sleeping with his ex; etc. But people are autonomous beings with unique desires and perspectives and personalities. You cannot control what other people do. So, instead, you become discerning about whom you let into your life and heart; and because we have less control over who crosses our paths in life, it is good simply to focus on what you can control. You can control what you do with your time; you have control over the person you become, whether you grow or stagnate; you have control over the type of person you are in your current relationships as a daughter, friend, student, employee, etc. Learn to treat others with love and compassion and kindness, regardless of who they are or what theyve done. Like I said, become the person you would want to spend your life with, because whether a good man comes along someday or not, you WILL be spending your life with yourself. So do the best you can to meet your needs and achieve your dreams with the people and resources you have now, and let the future unfold however it unfolds. You can have preferences for what happens, but if you venture into the territories of hope and expectation, then you risk disappointment and becoming stuck on what (or who) you dont have, instead of what you do.
As for my relationship with my husband, we have some unique qualities that bind us together, some of which you might not relate to. We are both devote Christians; our hearts lead us to live for God, not for each other or for ourselves. When you carry eternity in your heart, and your eyes are set on a higher power and purpose, your goals become less about satisfying immediate desires and more about long-term gains, which in our faith is expressed through service and worship. Thats not to say that we dont make mistakes, or that we arent vulnerable to the desires of the flesh. Ive known Christians, even pastors, who have fallen into sexual infidelity. Its possible that my husband might someday make that choice; but as terrible as that would be, my husband is not my world, and my identity is not wrapped up in him or our relationship. God is my first love, and Hell be my last. If our marriage fell apart, I would survive. Its not as much about trusting my husband as it is about trusting the strength I have in God.
Secondly, our strengths and weaknesses complement each other; in a way, my husband and I need each other to be the best versions of ourselves, and we are both acutely aware of that fact. I have a progressive neuromuscular condition that causes a lot of pain and fatigue, but my heart and mind are vibrant and indomitable. My husband is prone to depression, anxiety, and internalized anger, but his body is strong. Before he met me, he hid from the world, literally. He barely went out, and spent most of his time sleeping or playing video games. He was always afraid that if he tried anything, hed get rejected. In our relationship I have seen his attitude change drastically. He tries things now that he would never try before; his seasonal depression becomes less and less disabling every year. He gets so much joy out of our relationship; I can see it just in how he looks at me. And hell follow me into new adventures, trusting my instinct. Im the one with the visions and the dreams, and hes the one with the muscle power to make it happen. If either of us were still on our own, we would be on disability, but because we compensate for what the other cannot do, our life is full and whole.
How do I know his relationship with me means more than his basic animal instinct? First and foremost, at 25 years old he had only ever dated one other girl, and he was a virgin when I met him. While a sexual history by no means suggests an inability to commit to a relationship, the fact that his convictions were strong enough to overcome his drive for sex, especially when he had plenty of opportunities, told me that loyalty and fidelity were important to him – so much so that he remained faithful to a future wife he hadnt even met. In our current marriage, he always calls me when hes running errands, wondering if I need or want anything. He brings me home little treats. When he plays his video games, he invariably creates a sidekick who looks like me and gives her my name, so he can take me on all of his adventures. I overhear him talking to his friends online about me, saying he's one of the lucky ones. He gives me the last bite of food on his plate and lets me have first dibs at the best leftovers. He is always thinking of me. He asks me what Im thinking and feeling; he listens to my responses; he takes my lead at communicating and doesnt walk away when our conversations get tough. Hed rather hurt me with the truth than tell a pretty lie. In fact, he has never lied to me. When I cant walk, he carries me. When my co-workers are having computer troubles, he spends hours fixing their technology without expectation of compensation. He does anything he can to help someone in need. Weve even brought hitchhikers home to stay with us, and itll be his idea to stock them up with food and give them a camera for their journey. Its the thousand little things he does and thinks and says that tell me he is genuine and that his love for me is untainted by worldly distractions.
So, how can you know you can trust a guy with your heart? There is no perfect knowledge and no perfect person, but some people are better risks than others. Is he the same person in private as he is in public? Will he sacrifice himself for the needs of others, without complaining or expecting compensation? Are his morals and convictions unyielding, or do they change whenever suits his convenience? Does he hold himself to the same standards he holds others? Is he thinking of you when you arent together? How does he show it? Does he show love to you the way you want to be loved, and in a way that makes you feel loved? Does he fight fairly? Does he stick to the details of the argument, or does he attack your character? Are you two better together than you are apart? There are a thousand and one ways to identify the true heart and intentions of a person and potential life partner, you just have to learn to trust your own instincts. If you can trust yourself, then you wont have to worry about trusting the other person. Make good decisions, be discerning, and then trust that you will know whether a relationship is right, and also that you will survive if it doesnt work out.
@InnocenceKuchiki
you are absolutely right. Society expects way to much from women. And think about it. Something is only unattractive if you make it unattractive. Something is only desirable if you make it desirable. There is nothing wrong with small breasted or a flat chest. That's the beautify of diversity. We all need to accept who we are as individuals.
